In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CXVII: Shadows Stretch Behind the Truth

God knows that I've been naïve
But I think it makes Him proud of me
Now it's so hard to separate
My disappointments from His name

Because shadows stretch behind the truth
Where stained glass offers broken clues
And fear ties knots and pulls them tight
It leaves us paralyzed

LUCY:

When I opened my eyes again, the sun was in the sky and I was in my dormitory.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Harry was about to run up here and make sure you were still alive."

"What?" I sat up groggily and turned toward the source of the voice. Lavender and Parvati were giggling as they tightened each other's ties.

"Yeah, he's down there with Hermione now," Lavender said, checking her hair in the mirror one last time. "Anyway, we were just about to wake you ourselves, you should probably get dressed for class."

"Are you feeling alright?" Parvati asked. "Sounds like you had a rough night."

"I, er, I'm fine," I replied as I scrambled out of bed and reached for my school uniform. "When did I, er, get up here? I fell asleep in the common room, I-I think."

"You did. Hermione realized in the middle of the night you never went to bed and ran down to the common room, then a couple of minutes later, Harry carried you up while Hermione stood on the stairs to make sure he didn't tumble down with you in his arms."

I froze. "Wait, you mean he- Harry- he what?"

Lavender smiled impishly. "Yeah, well, we thought it was adorable. After we knew you were okay, of course. Hermione just said you had fallen asleep in the common room and Harry was waiting for a girl to come downstairs to let him bring you up."

"Sounds about right," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks flush. Thank Merlin for Hermione and the lies she can generate on the spot. "Merlin, I am never going to live this down, am I?"

"It was adorable," Parvati reiterated with a smile. "Now go, change, we'll go tell Harry you are in fact alive and on your way."

"Thanks!" I squeaked, ducking into the bathroom to change.

I studied myself in the mirror as I tightened my tie. My face was still bright red.

"You can't just fall asleep on Harry's shoulder," I whispered harshly to myself. "Y-You just can't, it's not fair to him, he's been through even more than you have, you-you have to hold it together for him."

Even as I said it, I was struck with how ridiculous that was. Harry might have shut himself off from me, but as I had proven the night before, I could never do that to him. I had only lasted a couple of days with the barrier in place before something catastrophic happened that made me tear it down and go running back into his arms, which were still open for me. I hoped they always would be.

But what would I have done if he hadn't come down?

I shook my head as I tied off my ponytail.

To try to keep him out is undeniably self-destructive. He knows more about me than anyone else in the world.

I studied myself in the mirror for a second longer. "Why can't you just let him love you?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I knew I didn't have one. Well... not a good one, anyway.

I hurried down to the common room with my bookbag thrown over my shoulder. It was full of fellow Gryffindors heading down to breakfast, but I spotted Harry immediately.