In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CV: Dear Cedric,

Dear Cedric,

   I told Harry tonight. I told him everything. I thought you'd want to know.

   I really should have told him sooner, I know. But, well, I've told him now.

   He handled it so much better than I ever dared to let myself dream.

   I love him, Cedric. I love him so much I don't even care if he ever loves me back, because he didn't run away when I told him the truth about me. At least not yet.

   I got my first detention today. I don't regret it one bit, even though my hand hurts a bit now. I wish you were here to heal it; you would probably know exactly which spell or potion to use. Episkey didn't work. I think the wound is cursed.

   Our new DADA teacher is a monster. You know better than anyone that I don't use that word lightly. But after just a single day, I know enough about her to say with confidence that she's despicable. Harry and I agreed tonight that we'd try to do as Professor McGonagall recommended and keep our heads down. But something about today felt... so good. Normally, I'm angry, then sad. And I was incredibly angry, but I have yet to be sad, somehow. I know it will come. I can already see the ring on my finger losing its scarlet glow and giving way to blue. But for tonight, somehow, I'm alright. I feel like I've done something right today. Maybe two somethings: standing up to Umbridge and talking to Harry.

   I think you'd be proud of me. I remember that conversation we had, the night I found out about the legislation passed last year. You said you'd be willing to get in trouble if it meant doing what was right. You told me right and wrong don't always play by the rules. That's never been more true than it is right now. Voldemort is back and it's certainly wrong to try to deny that, but... people are denying it. Everywhere. I may never understand why speaking the truth goes against the rules right now, but I'm proud to be a rule-breaker if it means standing for what's right.

   I just hope I'm brave enough to keep doing it. Over and over again. Until the world decides to stop being wrong and start being right again.

   But will the world ever be right again?

   There's a hole in my chest now right where you used to be. You were everything to me. I turned to you whenever something was wrong, but now everything is more wrong than it's ever been and it's all because you're not here.

   Maybe that's for the best. Maybe you're the lucky one.   

   I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. The pain of you not being here hurts more than the Cruciatus Curse ever could. I honestly wish someone would use it on me right now, something to distract me, something to focus on instead; anything in the world is better than the excruciating pain of having to face this terrifying new world without my brother here with me.

   I can feel the sadness coming. The ring is getting more and more blue by the minute. I should probably try to sleep before I start crying again; I'm getting up fairly early tomorrow to work with Neville in the greenhouses.

   I love you. So much.

   I miss you. So much.

      Love always, Lucy