In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter LXVI: How Brave I'd Be

If I could rearrange my words,
I'd say what I mean.
If I could learn to count the cards,
I'd risk everything.
Imagine how brave I'd be
If I knew I'd be safe.
If I could only know the end,
I'd be a prodigy of faith.

"Pacific Blues"
Sleeping At Last

LUCY:

I tried to tell Cedric about the dream. The dream I had at the bottom of the Black Lake.

The worst nightmare I had ever experienced.

But the words wouldn't come. I couldn't speak. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. The words choked me. They refused to let me breathe. So once the storm passed, I instead I tried to tell him I hadn't been afraid. That I had known he would come for me. Because I did. I had known that, before I fell asleep.

Because, truthfully, it wasn't really being in the Black Lake itself that sent me over the edge. It was the nightmare.

I was awake at the bottom. Awake and alone. In the darkness, in the silence, in the cold. I was awake and alone at the bottom of the Black Lake, and I knew Cedric wasn't coming for me.

I didn't hear a voice telling me he wouldn't come. I didn't see any sign that he wouldn't come.

But I knew. I just knew. In my heart of hearts, my soul of souls, I knew that Cedric wasn't coming for me. Cedric wasn't coming to save the day like he always did. Cedric wasn't going to rescue me, and he never would again.

I knew in this nightmare that I was awake and alone at the bottom of the Black Lake. I knew in this nightmare that I would never see the light of day again. I knew in this nightmare that if I wanted to I could push off the bottom and swim to the top, but I knew in this nightmare that Cedric wouldn't be waiting for me whether I did or not. I knew in this nightmare that it would be so much easier just to stay on the bottom until I ran out of oxygen.

And in this nightmare, I stayed on the bottom until my world turned black.

On Ron's birthday, I woke up on the early side to try to talk to him alone before the day really began --- which proved to be ineffective, because he was carried down the stairs on the shoulders of Harry, Neville, Seamus, and Dean while Fred and George sang a horrible birthday song at the top of their lungs. I tried again at lunch, then again at dinner, but he was still coasting on all of the publicity from the second task and therefore surrounded by people.

Everyone was keen to know what had happened down at the bottom of the lake. Ron was all too happy to tell them his side of the story, and it grew more and more impressive with every telling, but I tried to keep to myself. I was still embarrassed by the way I had fallen apart, and I was sorely tempted to tell at least Cedric and maybe Harry about my dream so they didn't think I was completely spineless, but every time I thought about it, I decided I was ridiculous for letting a silly little dream affect me so deeply and stuffed my uneasiness deeper down inside myself.

My chance to talk to Ron finally came at the end of the day, when his party was over and nearly everyone had gone to bed. I grabbed my Chocolate Frog card --- my Chocolate Frog card --- and went to sit beside him.

"Hey," I said as casually as I could.

He looked up. "Hey, Lucy. What's up?"

"Well, I wanted to show you this first, in the spirit of birthdays." I reluctantly passed him the card. "This is the card-"

"Harry always teases you about," he finished for me, flipping it over to read the back. Once he had skimmed it, he looked at the picture on the front again. "Cute picture. Who took it?"