In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CLXXV: Dear Cedric,

April 8, 1996

Dear Cedric,

   Merlin, it's been too long. I'm sorry. Life has been crazy. I feel like I haven't had the chance to catch my breath in months, but I happened to have a few minutes free before tonight's Dumbledore's Army meeting.

   We've been working on Patronuses lately. A couple of people have managed it, but I've been having a hard time. All of my best memories have you in one way or another. I reckon Lucy's been having the same problem — I haven't seen her cast a Patronus yet. I don't want to press her, though, I don't want to embarrass her.

   I sort of have big news. And by sort of, I mean I do have big news. Merlin, I wish I could tell you this face-to-face instead of writing it to you, which I suppose is why I've waited so long to tell you. And now I'm just stalling. Alright, alright, here goes... I'm going to play for the Magpies. They just sent me my jersey this morning. I still can't believe it, truthfully. I wish you had been here to laugh about how my hands were shaking so much I could barely pull the robes over my head. Just the same, though, I haven't seen our roommates smile so much in a long time. We miss you like mad, but I think this might have been what we needed. Something exciting about the future, as opposed to just dreading a lifetime without you. We'll never be the same, but I think we're starting to feel alright again.

   I'm doing my best to take care of Lucy, by the way. I can't do much, because honestly her Gryffindor friends are doing a bloody good job of it, but if I catch her alone looking upset I'll insist I need goalkeeping practice and convince her to hit the Pitch with me. She's still an insanely good Chaser, even though she seems to have found her true calling with Beater. She's a good Quidditch player, period. I sincerely hope the Gryffindor Keeper position never opens up, because I reckon she could steal my job with the Magpies if she tried.

   Well, I should wrap this up because the D.A. meeting is starting soon. I just wanted to give you a bit of an update on my life. It's been crazy lately, with N.E.W.T. preparation on top of everything else, but... it's been getting better. A little bit at a time. I still miss you, though, I promise.

      Love, Henry

~

April 8, 1996

Dear Cedric,

   I miss you. Missing you has been more of an ebb and flow lately. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's just empty. Sometimes it's numb. Right now, it hurts, like a fresh wound. I'm glad Harry and I decided to try to teach everyone to cast a Patronus, but it just reminds me of teaching you. That night was the last time I was able to actually cast one.

   I miss you.

   It's not always this bad. It's been alright lately, if I'm being honest. Better. Even the full moons aren't quite so bad anymore, since the twins made a candy to help keep the fever at bay and Ginny keeps me company with Grawp (Hagrid's brother, long story there) in the forest. The couple of days after the full moon are harder, as if to compensate for the couple of days before being easier, but I don't mind quite so much. Harry's started loaning me a jumper or two of his when the cold is at its worst, so I can't really complain.

   Harry and Cho broke up right after I wrote you a letter. It was a bit messy, from what I've gathered, and she's been acting rather odd at D.A. meetings, but I know it was for the best. He didn't love her, not the way you did. I think she was so fixated on filling your hole she didn't seem to realize just how impossible that task would be. I hope she finds someone who comes close one day, though. I still care about her, and I know you would just want her to be happy. I suppose selfishly I'm glad that Harry's free again, but, well, time will tell if that goes anywhere anytime soon.

   The Quibbler article I mentioned to you in my last letter was an incredible success. Umbridge banned it right away! Which obviously meant that everyone would read it. There were so many people convinced of the truth, so many. I still get letters on occasion where people tell me about people they've loved and lost and assure me it gets better. There are still people who tell Harry he's insane and people who call me a liar or express concern that I've been brainwashed, but we've decided to see every person convinced as a win and never count a person not convinced as a loss. It makes the overall statistics far less depressing that way.

   Quidditch has been good lately. We've been practicing more now that the match against Ravenclaw is only a month and a half away. I've been playing Chaser with Henry a bit, but I'm more and more and more and more convinced that Beater is where I need to be right now. I loved Chaser, but now it just feels like trying to shove my hand into a glove that's too small. It's well-worn, so it has a little bit of give and I can technically fit my hand in there, but the glove is still too small. I have no idea if that metaphor made any sense, but I hope it did. Long story short, Beater feels so so so so right for me. I'm always happy to help Henry, though. I can't wait to see him playing for the Magpies one day. He deserves that.

   I'm sorry, but I should go. The D.A. meeting is starting soon and I need a couple of minutes to try to get myself to stop crying. I wish I could see your osprey flying around even just one more time. I'd love to see my bear again, too, but I know that's not possible anymore.

   I miss you, Ced. I wish you were here. I don't have anything in particular that I would want your help with, the way I have in the past, but Merlin I just want you. I just want you. You should be here. It will never be okay that you're not. I love you. I hope you're happy, wherever you are.

      Love always, Lucy