In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter LXXIII: I Will Not Say Goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive every day
I will shoulder the blame
I will shout out your name
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

"I Will Not Say Goodbye"
Danny Gokey

LUCY:

With my parents back in Ottery St. Catchpole, I found myself sitting between Professor Sprout and Henry in the front row. It was the first time I'd seen Henry since I jumped over the railing. He looked nearly as awful as I felt.

I had offered to go first.

It would be the first time I had said his name aloud since Saturday before the task.

I had been unable to write his name the day prior. Every time I wanted to, I had instead drawn the rough outline of an osprey.

When Professor Dumbledore nodded to me, my hands tightened around the piece of parchment, and I placed one foot in front of the other until I was at the front of the Great Hall.

The sight of so many faces before me was overwhelming. I looked down at the paper in my hands, but all of a sudden, the words I had written seemed altogether inadequate. I had written about what he meant to me, who he was to me. I looked up again. Hundreds of faces, waiting expectantly. Hundreds of faces, there for him. There for the boy I had been lucky enough to call my brother. There for the boy that they had been lucky enough to call their friend.

I folded the paper and tucked it into my robes.

"H-Hi. I-I bet you're wondering why I just put away my only notes." I took a deep breath, trying to offer a smile to the crowd. "I spent hours on those words, after all. Trying to somehow explain just how special he was to me. But now, looking at you all... I realize just how much he meant to everyone, n-not just me."

I paused then, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I know you are all probably thinking of the Cedric you knew, the Cedric you loved."

I had done it. I had said his name. I could do this.

My eyes found his friend group, the ones who had been there early in the morning for his fifteenth birthday picnic, the ones who had cheered the loudest after every Quidditch match, the ones who had clapped him on the back when his name came out of the Goblet of Fire...

"To some of you, he was the Hufflepuff Golden Boy. I remember all of the times I heard you shouting his name in the halls, wanting to tell him about the exam you aced or the board game you won or the date that went well because you knew he of all people would care about even your smallest accomplishments. On another note, I also remember all of the invites to Hogsmeade, all of the valentines..."

My eyes found Jenna Gordon, and I couldn't help but manage the smallest smile.

"And yes, I even remember the time someone slipped him a love potion and it took Henry and I working together to make sure he didn't make a complete fool out of himself."