In the Melancholy Moonlight

Chapter CLV: Dear Cedric,

I'm not entirely sure what day it is at this point, sorry

Dear Cedric,

   It's been a long day. Couple of days? I don't know exactly, I've gotten a whole twenty minutes of sleep in the last twenty-four hours, so forgive my unreliable timekeeping. I WOULD have gotten more just now, but Ron woke up to Harry and his trunk being gone, so the poor bloke sprinted downstairs in a panic just to find the two of us passed out on the sofa. Harry slept through it, but it woke me up so here I am. I originally headed down here to write you a letter anyway, so I figured this was as good a time as any to tell you about everything that's happened since I wrote you last. It's been... a lot.

   Ginny and I are the new Gryffindor Beaters! That's good news, I suppose. I still wish the twins and Harry could play, obviously, but selfishly, I've loved being in the sky again. I did it. I haven't fallen. In other Quidditch news, Hufflepuff won their first match! You would have been so proud of Henry. Oliver said he'd mention him to every team other than Puddlemere, since he'd like to keep his job as reserve Keeper with them.

   Speaking of Henry, he kept a secret from me for a bit. Professor Sprout talked to him about helping with a portrait for you. It's not the real you, nothing and no one could ever come close to the real you, but Merlin, I missed hearing your voice. The portrait doesn't know my secret, and I'll keep it that way for a while. For now, it's just nice to be able to talk to you, to a certain extent. I miss you, Ced.

   It hasn't all been good, though, especially not recently. Before the full moon, something happened. Somehow, without a wand, I generated a storm. It was... insane. I still don't know how or why that happened. And then during the full moon, I overpowered the Room of Requirement and clawed my shoulder. It feels better now, but it was scary. Not just for me, either. Everyone's been extra protective of me lately.

   And then last night was crazy. To make a very long story very short, Mr. Weasley was attacked by a massive snake, and Harry saw it happen, so we had to leave Hogwarts and come to Grimmauld Place. We saw him today, and he'll be alright, but it was terrifying. I saw Sloane today at St. Mungo's. She had trouble with the last full moon, too. I wish you were here. I feel like you'd be able to make both of us feel better. I tried to help, but there's only so much I can do since I'm a werewolf, too. There's only so much I can do considering I have all of the same fears and insecurities and demons.

   I'm not sinking anymore, though. Tonight, I got into a boat. Harry and I are in it together. We might fall out again, the storm might capsize us, something else might happen, but... I don't want to sink again. I've learned to breathe again, and I don't want to lose that anytime soon. I don't know what I'd do without Harry, Ced. It's not always easy, being us, but whatever we face is easier together.

   Harry's still passed out on the sofa behind me, and I'll join him soon enough because I'm altogether too tired to head back up to the room I share with Ginny. I don't know what tomorrow holds. We'll be teased relentlessly if anyone finds us asleep together on the couch. Harry's still worried about everyone being scared of him, except for me. I don't know what to do about Mrs. Weasley, because she seemed scared of the werewolf in the same room as Mr. Weasley — what would she do if she knew there was one under her same roof? In the same house as Fred and Ginny and Ron and George, and that they all knew, and that they were all still friends with me? And we still don't have any answers about Mr. Weasley's attack. They think Harry was possessed, but I remember Ginny describing being possessed differently from the way Harry described what happened. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but, well, at least I have Harry by my side. We're in the same boat, for better or for worse.

   I miss you so much. As much as I wish you were here right now, listening to my rambling and offering what advice you could, I want to believe that you're happier, wherever you are, and that I'll see you again one day soon. In the meantime, just know that I love you, and I always will.

   Merry Christmas, Cedric.

      Love always, Lucy

~

Dear Cedric,

   Your sister and her friends are full of surprises, I'm telling you. Hermione Granger was the only one in that group at breakfast today. I didn't ask about what happened, because I didn't want to draw any more attention to it than absolutely necessary, but she said that everyone was okay and she'd share more details before catching up with everyone tomorrow. Or, well, probably later today, at this point.

   I don't even know what time it is, but I've been up for hours working on continuing the tradition you started when you were prefect. The whole common room is decorated for Christmas, with Hanukkah decorations Hannah helped me set up properly. Hanukkah ends on Christmas this year, how perfect is that? Nobody in Hufflepuff is actually staying for the holidays, everyone leaves tomorrow morning, but tonight (I'm operating on the assumption that is in fact Friday at this point) we'll have the Hufflepuff holiday celebration you started. I wanted to include Lucy in it this year, but seeing as she left so suddenly, I suppose I'll just have to send hers with an owl or with Hermione and hope for the best.

   It's been nearly six months now. Christmas Eve will be six months since you died, and Christmas Day will mark six full months without you here. Sometimes, it feels like it's been so much longer since we said goodbye. It... well, it wasn't really a goodbye. Not the goodbye I would have given you if I had known. I was distracted, worrying about getting down to the common room as soon as possible after the task was over to set up your party. I was so sure you'd win. I never thought it would end the way it did.

   I found a couple of the remnants from that party that never happened while setting up new decorations tonight. I spread the posters out across your bed. I'll figure out what to do next when I get back from holiday, but for now, I want to focus on making the holidays as happy as possible for the people I love. You would want that, I know you would. You always loved Christmas. I managed to figure out the transfigurations you used on the Christmas tree — how, I have no idea, but I think you'd be proud of the result. I hope everyone enjoys tomorrow, at least as much as possible.

   Everyone's been struggling a bit more lately. Everyone in Hufflepuff knows how much you loved Christmas, and Lucy too, of course. Not having you here feels wrong, so wrong, but at the same time, there's something comforting about trying to find joy in the same places you always looked for yours. No matter what was going on at the time, you loved Christmas and made the most of it, and I've been trying to have the same approach this year, even when it would be easier to just let the darkness trap me within myself. You never did that, no matter how scared or stressed you were. I don't want to do it, either, no matter how overwhelmed I am by everything.

   It is getting better, though, bit by bit. Everyone loves talking to your portrait, myself included. I know it's not you, not really, but it's nice nonetheless. You keep me company on the late nights, when you can stay awake, that is. I never realized that portraits had to sleep like humans, but it's quite entertaining. True to form, you sleep curled up in a ball. It's good to know that some things never change.

   Like Christmas. I'm trying to hold onto that. Hold onto you. Hold onto the joy of the season. Hold onto Gretch. Hold onto Hufflepuff. Hold onto hope. It's cold and dark outside, but the fire is warm and welcoming. I know you always hated fire, but even you had to admit it has its uses. I'm beginning to think hope is a fire, but not the frightening kind that always unsettled you. Hope is like a candle, I think.

   I don't know. It's late. It's been a long day. The Pink Venomous Tentacula was outraged at the disappearance of six of her least favorite Gryffindors overnight, and the resulting prefects meeting was less than pleasant as a result. Have I mentioned that she insists upon sitting in on those now? It's awful. Absolutely awful. She's the reason so many people are leaving for Christmas, you know. Speaking of hope and fire, I sincerely hope she burns in hell one day. Sooner rather than later would be nice.

   Anyway, Cedric, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, wherever you are. I'll do my best to make sure everyone down here has the same.

   I love you. I miss you. I'm sending you as much Christmas cheer as I can from here. Enjoy it up there.

      Love, Henry