In Another Life

Chapter 17

Y/N POV

My breath comes out shaky as I try my best to calm myself. The pad of my thumb rubs the opposite hand's palm anxiously. I was on my second lap around the base.

I feared if I didn't keep moving, I'd lose my courage. I feared he'd find me.

I scoff, shaking my head.

It's almost comical, me fearing he might actually come for me. As if I could mean anything more to him than an inconvenient obligation.

I got knocked up, and now everyone has seen Kaneki. There would be no hiding it. I forced his hand; I made him step into the boots of fatherhood unwillingly. He had to walk the walk.

My eyes close as I come to a stop in front of the Commander's office. I breathe out once more, composing myself before I knock and wait for his approval that I could enter.

When it comes, I waste no time entering the room and crossing it to stand in front of him.

He finishes his paperwork that lay on his desk before him before he lifts his head to meet my gaze.

"Ah, Y/N, I was wondering when you'd find your way here."

My brows pull together as I look up at him. I wasn't prepared for that. I hadn't expected him to be waiting on me.

If I had, I would have found my way into his office a lot sooner than I had.

I cock a brow at him as he places his pen down beside the papers he was working on, looking at me from across the desk.

Taking a seat, my brows pull together as he breathes in deep. He holds it in for a moment before he exhales, uncrossing his arms from his chest.

"You should have told me Kaneki's father was Levi. I asked you if it was one of my men."

My lips form into a hard line as I nod once at him. "Yeah, I should have."

The room is silent for a moment before he speaks again.

"But then again, I have to thank you for your lack of transparency."

Brows tugging together, I cock my head to the side.

"Sorry?"

He sits forward, resting his arms on his desk as he picks at his fingernails. He looks down as he begins to speak.

"The two of us both know if you would have come to me with Levi's name, I would have been forced to hold him accountable despite his ranking. He would find out the child was his... He would have followed you. He would have left everything behind to find the two of you had he known."

A knot lodges itself inside my throat as I try to force it down.

Would he have?

Erwin stands, walking around the desk to lean back into it.

"Your silence granted the Scouts and the people within the walls years of peace and safety. Levi has made huge strides here. We wouldn't have made it as far as we had if he weren't with us today."

My lips form into a hard line as I drop his gaze.

So Levi had continued to work hard, unfazed by my absence. I knew Levi was always capable of just switching his emotions off, I knew that.. I just..I wasn't sure why, but that knowledge left a pit in my stomach. Maybe it had been because I had gone this long yearning for him only to find out he hadn't thought of us once.

He didn't know.

I push the thoughts away as I look up to meet his eyes.

"Commander, I wanted to come discuss placement and rank."