Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

T H I R T Y N I N E

I waited for Yoongi to resurface for days. During this period, I oscillated between the fear of him breaking up with me and the desire to break up with him myself. I felt a tremendous hurt that all of it was happening without me knowing the reason and I felt a huge anger that it was happening, because I didn't know the reason. The only thing I valued about all this was the fact that he warned me that he needed that time. Something I didn't do for him in the beginning when I disappeared twice.

Every night I saw Dirk at the bar, but I didn't have the heart to ask him about Yoongi. I didn't want to give Dirk any reason to get involved after all the effort we had to keep our friends out of our relationship.

It was Friday when I was sitting in the cafe across the street from the PH when I saw him arrive. He came with his hands in his pocket and, as soon as he approached the bike rack, he lit a cigarette. He smoked looking at the bikes and then looked at the cafe, knowing exactly where to direct his gaze. His expression didn't change when he saw me, but he held my gaze until he finished his cigarette. He put the remains of his cigarette on the wall he was leaning against and then came towards me.

He sat next to me on the counter in front of the cafe's window. I wanted to hold his hand, hug him, kiss his whole face... but I didn't remember even how to blink or how to breathe at that moment. He was right there beside me and that meant he was ready to talk.

"Hi" I mumbled awkwardly.

"Hi, how are you?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"Not very well, but I hope to get better now." I answered him as sincerely as I could.

"I'm sorry that I caused you anguish in the past few days."

"It's OK. You at least were kind enough to ask me for that time. When I was in your shoes, I took the time I needed from you by force."

"There's no reason for you to talk about something that happened so long ago, Roos."

"I will not speak of it. I was just saying that I appreciate your kindness, even though it has not alleviated my distress." I recognized. "Are you alright?"

"Yes... I needed to think about some things, to process some things that I was feeling."

"And did you get to do it?"

"Yes." He said, reaching for my hand on the counter.

"And are you going to tell me what happened?" I intertwined our fingers.

"Yes..." he said with uncertainty, looking at our hands, "I have a feeling, for a few months now, that you haven't noticed yet, but you don't want to be with me."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't explain it ... it's some fear, my insecurity that manifests itself like this."

"Are you afraid of me breaking up with you?"

"Yes. And when I see you with Jaap, that fear materializes in a certainty."

"With Jaap? Are you jealous when you see me with Jaap?"

"Yes." He kept looking at our hands.

"Yoongi..." I was looking for the right words. "I know that sometimes what we hear from others is not necessarily absorbed by us. I know that what I'm going to tell you now might not make a difference in how you feel, at least not now, but I want you to know that I'm happy by your side and I don't think of anyone but you. Not romantically. I want this information to settle in your unconscious so that you don't feel that way anymore." He looked at me in a silence that stretched long enough to make me unsure.