Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

F I F T Y O N E

I met Lotte at Sultan's for dinner after cycling for a few hours.

The previous night with Jaap had been a good one, but it felt like something was out of place and all the time I spent on my bike was not enough to show me what it was.

"Ugh! You're too sweaty!" Lotte exclaimed when she hugged me.

"I was cycling in the woods." I explained.

"In this cold? Why?"

"I needed to think." I responded by tapping my index finger on my forehead.

We placed our orders and sat at a table in the corner while we waited for Raffi to bring our food.

"I asked Jaap to go out with me yesterday." My voice was low, almost as if I was telling her a secret.

"Oh yes?!" She did not hide her surprise. "When are you going out?"

"Yesterday."

"Huh?"

"We already went on a date yesterday..." I explained with my voice still low.

"You don't waste any time." She spoke with a smile, but soon her expression changed. "I thought you didn't like him that way?"

"I decided to give him a chance. He's really cool and cute... we have things in common... I thought if I dated with him, maybe I would start seeing him as he sees me."

"And how was it?"

"We are compatible."

"Compatible how?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Physically."

"Hm?" She wanted me to give you more details.

"Oh Lotte, don't be so obtuse!" I exclaimed in frustration, but I knew I would tell her anyway. "He took me home, we kissed. I invited him up. We smoked, watched TV and made out a little more. When he left my house it was already today." I told her all the events without any details.

She had a heavy countenance which continued even after our food arrived.

"And did you start seeing him as more than a friend after that?" She finally spoke.

"So, I'm not sure. I definitely enjoyed being with him and it was good! But it looks like something in here" I pointed at my head "is out of place yet."

"Do you think it's something like when you first kissed Yoongi?" This time her voice was low like mine.

"Hm..." I reflected for a moment. "No. With Yoongi I couldn't understand the situation as a whole, but I wanted to be with him again. With Jaap, it is different, I know what's going on, I just don't know if I want it to happen."

She accepted my answer.

We ate slowly and when we said goodbye I headed for the market that was on the perpendicular street, just a block away.

I needed to refuel some things and I liked to use the weekend to do that.

I was just finishing putting my things back in the bag, after going through the self check out when I noticed the person standing behind me, waiting for his turn.

Yoongi was standing there, with a strange expression on his face, not much worse or much better than mine should be. He held a bag of tangerines in one hand and a pack of beers in the other.

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you. You were blond at Christmas. I would have gone to another cashier if I knew it was you." He explained quickly.

"I got tired of that color."

"You look good with black hair. You always look good with dark colors."

I didn't bother to answer. I threw the last items that were still in my hands into the bag and turned away to leave.

I listened when he called my name, but I made my way towards the exit door without looking back.

I was putting the bag in one of the saddlebags of my bike when I saw him coming towards me.

"Please, Yoongi. Leave me alone." I begged, before he was too close.

"You never let me say what I need to say."

"You don't have to tell me anything. I'm not interested."

"Are you really going to treat me like you used to?" His expression showed some hurt.

"What did you want me to do? Why do you still want something from me, Yoongi?"

"We dated, Roos!" He exclaimed, leaving me surprised by the choice of words. I felt an overwhelming need to correct it.

"We were together for 9 months. But that was it, wasn't it? It's over. Now that's it."

"It wasn't just that..."

"Enough, Yoongi."

"This is so frustrating!" He exclaimed again.

"I agree. This is frustrating. Can you please leave me alone?" I said reflecting his irritation. "You can get together with our friends, alone or with Jimin, I don't care anymore. I just want you to stop trying to get close to me. We have experience in that, don't we?"

"The only problem is, I've spent years trying to talk to you before, Roos." His voice was bitter, as was his expression.

"This is not my problem." I spit out my answer.

"This is our problem..." he started, but I interrupted him.

"You chose to go back to that position, Yoongi. Do you remember what I told you just three days ago?" His gaze widened at the memory I brought him. "Nothing has changed. Can you excuse me?"

I removed the bicycle from where it was standing and took it to the corner of the street. He stood in the same place, his shoulders slumped, his right hand still holding the bag with what he had bought.

I got on the bike and rode away, pedaling slowly until I reached a larger street. I printed speed and had a huge desire to go back to the woods, ride more, for more hours, until my mind calmed down, but it was already dark and it had snowed in the previous days, so it wouldn't be safe.

I dragged myself up the stairs to my apartment. Not talking to Yoongi drained my energy and blew away any thoughts I was having about Jaap in my mind.

I removed my coat and shoes, walked to the kitchen and left my bag on the counter, before going back to the lobby and going to the bedroom.

I removed my sweatshirt and the tank top I was wearing. In a single movement I undressed my sweatpants and panties, keeping only my socks. I contemplated my body in the corner mirror. I looked at the tattoos on my limbs, the ones I listed for Jaap the night before.

I remembered his expression when he finally saw the tattoo below my boobs, that sight made him completely forget the ones he had expressed curiosity about, on my legs.

That memory calmed me down a little, but as soon as the cascade of water hit my back in the bath, Jaap disappeared from my mind once again.

I hated that I still felt that way because of Yoongi. I wanted to prepare my heart to forgive him or to forget him when the time came, but I couldn't.

I started to feel that I would need something cathartic to happen in order for me to get through it all.