Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

F I F T Y N I N E

I let him stay until he felt ready to go. He didn't say anything else. Me neither. We were silent until he got up. I didn't follow him when he went into the hall and from there, from the portal to the terrace, I heard the door close behind him.

I didn't have dinner, I didn't feel hungry. I showered and crawled with my phone under the covers on my bed.

I woke up at 3 am, and now I was hungry. I defrosted a pizza and ate sitting on the couch, watching television. At half past four I was completely awake and alert.

Yoongi's story kept repeating itself in my head. In a way I understood why he did what he did, but I also felt that in no way it justified what he did.

I went to the bedroom and put on a sweatshirt, a warm legging and socks. In the entrance hall I put on my parka and my boots.

The dawn was damp and cold, the kind that doesn't matter how many clothes you are wearing, the cold gets under them and touches your bones, through the skin.

It would still be a few hours until dawn and going to the woods would be risky, so I kept my way through the city streets.

I cycled through familiar streets and unfamiliar streets, sometimes I crossed paths with other people on the streets, some walking their dogs, others just walking. Every now and then I would see groups of young people talking loudly, probably coming from some bar or nightclub.

Just before 6 am I stopped in front of the supermarket that would soon open. I waited by the door while an employee unlocked it. I bought a fruit salad and yogurt.

I wasn't really hungry, but I ate it anyway. I was thinking about how today was my last day in a job that was all I knew, but I couldn't focus on that.

My mind kept going back to Yoongi's story and the more his words were repeated in my head, the sadder I became. I was sad for me and for him. I was thinking about how much I suffered when we broke up in consequence of a choice he made because of what he suffered all his life.

I paid the price for him trying to be the son his parents wanted. But he is paying high, too. Now he doesn't have me, nor has he managed to move on. He does not have the approval of his parents, nor the love of the one he loves.

My body throbbed when I returned home. I wanted to go back under my duvet, but instead I filled the kettle and turned it on. I took a quick shower and finished making my tea. I forced myself not to be too comfortable in my own home, to make sure I went to work.

>>>><<<<

Despite being my last day and me having practically no motivation to work, the texts kept coming.

I struggled during the morning, Jaap by my side was sly, maybe upset by the reality that those were our last moments as co-workers.

He, as always, was attentive to me at lunch and insisted that I would go to the pantry with him. I was shocked to realize that a little party had been organized for my farewell. Maria, Jaap and all my colleagues were there. I looked around the room, my gaze intense, but Theo was not there. It was only after this realization that I was able to relax and enjoy that special moment.

At the end of the day, Jaap asked me for a drink, he wanted to prolong our farewell and perhaps, in a way, avoid it.

I accepted because I didn't want to meet anyone else I knew, especially my group of friends, but I also didn't want to be alone because I knew that when that happened it was likely that I would just sleep and cry, not necessarily in that order.

Jaap led me to a different bar. Modern and posing as cool, the place was full of people in suits and ties. I stared at him, questioning his choice, but he shrugged, saying that an incredible portion of gourmet kroketten was served there and that as this would be our last time going out as co-workers, he wanted it to be in style.

Part of me was afraid that he was going to try and turn this into a date. I had less than no energy to deal with it, but while we were talking he told me he was seeing someone. This news made me relax and, once again, Jaap served me for a job that he always did with zeal, even when he didn't know: he made me forget about Yoongi... even if only for a few hours, even for just a few moments.