Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

S I X T Y S E V E N

I went back to the website that was open in my browser and clicked to read the lyrics, put on my headphones and played again the first song in the music app.

The first song, where I felt his anger, was about the fear of not meeting the expectations of others, anxiety about the future and the notion of how happy we are when we do what we love.

Right after that came the song full of anguish and I understood that they were singing about the ending of a relationship. The rap with his voice clearly said, "Your cold face tells me everything, more than words. I can see the ending approaching like a high tide. I know our end is coming, but I can't leave you. Don't talk, don't go, just hug me in silence." I fought the tears that were forming. This was too familiar.

The positive beat where the voices gave me mixed feelings was about running after someone when a relationship is over. I realized, as in the previous song, that the part where Yoongi's voice came up was very familiar. He talked about being turned away, excluded by the person he loves and how he was crazy in love, running in circles.

Then he didn't talk about love. His melodic voice rhymed and sang about internal thoughts. He wondered if he was a good person, he pointed out the brevity of things and life. He recognized that he had changed. I couldn't help but cry when I read him say "I flow like water". Something so simple, but it reminded me exactly of the man I knew and loved. Now I knew that his voice told me that he believes that we are animals of sorrow, not wisdom. The feeling of calm that I had previously felt without knowing what he was saying returned, but I couldn't help but cry.

I was a mess of tears when Raffi arrived with my food. His eyes widened when he saw me, but I gave him a sweet smile and assured him that everything was fine. In my ear Yoongi sang the interlude. He asked to be released, even if that was not what he wanted, even if things wouldn't go as he wished. He said he was depressed for some reason and his days would drag on or fly by.

I was impressed with how he expressed himself so softly and wistfully about himself. Even so, when the next song started, the voices called for salvation. It was a song about someone lost without their love.

In another tone, the pop ballad started and I saw it was a declaration of love. It was the statement that things could get better. He could correct his mistakes, hold me tighter, make the suffering go away. In his part he brought elements from other songs again. He asked to be embraced in silence like the other song, he asked to be saved. He said that he survived hell for the person he loves and that the sea without that person is the same as the desert and he was thirsty.

The next song was music without the voices of others, in which he harmonized with a different voice, and the lyrics took up themes from the first song and the one he sang alone. He talked about growing old, becoming an adult, following his dreams, changing as a person. The title was 28. I put the song on to play one more time and kept thinking about the things he said in the song. Why did he put that title on, when he was still 27? I felt a huge regret after seeing the lyrics. The feelings of doubt I felt the first time I heard it was because he sang about being lost.

When the piano returned I realized that this was already the last song on the mixtape. Love is not over. That was the title. But the soft voices sang about his departing love object and how he could not go on without that love. Yoongi's voice said that he continues to live, even though he wants to die, but he concluded that the love is not over and that the person he loves should get him out of the maze he was in.

My sandwich was already pretty cold when I lifted my face from the phone, I was probably swollen and red from the crying I couldn't help.

I ate in silence, switching the soundtrack in my ears to something more lively, trying to put aside everything I felt while listening to his music and reading his lyrics.

I walked back to the bar again to get my bike, feeling like a criminal, wishing I wasn't seen, because anyone would notice that I had been cying. I got on my bike quickly and cycled home, feeling the cool summer air against my skin.

I got home and took off my sneakers without any care. I walked into the living room and sank on the couch. I got my phone out of my shorts pocket.

Lotte

Roos
I saw the lyrics.
21:26

Lotte
And?
21:29

Roos
What did you think of them?
21:29

Lotte
I don't know Roosje, what did you think?
21:30

Roos
I found them very familiar.
21:33

Lotte
How are you feeling?
21:35

Roos
I don't know? Confused.
Sad, but somehow
I feel calm.
21:37

Lotte
calm is good, right?
21:36

Roos
I think it is.
21:37