Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

F O R T Y N I N E

"Roos?"

Hearing his voice ruffled every hair on my body.

After he was at my house, he disappeared from my radar. His absence brought me a relief that I didn't know I needed to feel. It was two weeks of peace that apparently were now over.

"Did you come alone?"

"What are you talking about?" I spoke without turning to him.

"Aren't you with Nanook?" His voice was closer now.

"What the hell!" I exclaimed, turning around to finally face him. He was sitting two loungers away from mine. "Did I spend all those months talking alone, Yoongi?"

"What?! No!"

"So why do you think I would be with Nanook ?!"

"I... he was at your place that day."

"I don't owe you any explanation. You use your imagination however you want." I got up to go, but he got up too.

"Roosje..."

"No! You don't get to call me that anymore."

"I'm sorry, I..." He didn't know what to say or where to look.

"Are you apologizing to me for what, exactly? You want me to forgive you for what? For you to feel less guilty about being a coward? For trying to make it look like I was also getting involved with someone else? For the fact that you keep thinking I would be with someone else already? Or do you want me to forgive you for not taking my feelings into consideration? I won't do that. Right now I hope that the guilt you feel, for whatever reason, will eat your insides away."

Maud and Timo were standing at the portal, attracted by the volume of our voices and the others tried to hide that they also heard and saw what happened through the glass walls of Maud's house.

I tried to make my way through them, but Maud took my hand.

"Let me go, Maud." My request was a plea.

She looked at me with such tenderness that my anger turned to sadness in seconds.

"I will go." Yoongi announced and no one tried to stop him.

I went upstairs and hid in our hostess's room, getting under the covers on her bed.

I felt the other side of the bed lower under someone's weight and a few moments later Grietje was lying there with me.

"I thought that this breakup would have no drama and that you were the most evolved people in the universe." She smiled a faint smile "but my dear, you are breaking up in installments."

I couldn't stop a sad laugh from escaping my lips.

"It looks like I was stunned when it all happened, Grietje. And what he's doing after we're done is making me stop loving him." Recognizing that scared me a little.

"No breakup is easy, Roosje." I tried to speak, but she stopped me. "It doesn't matter what name you gave or if you never gave it a name. You were dating. And about not loving him... that's the order of things, right?"

"I think so..." I whispered. "I swear to you, for a period in our relationship I felt like I was going to love him forever."

"I understand you. And I'm sorry that you don't feel that way anymore." She reached for a tear that was streaming down my face. "Do you think that one day you're going to forgive him?"

"At first I thought I had nothing to forgive. Now, I no longer know if I'll be able to forgive every item on the long list that I have realized exists."

"Time will let you know."

"I think so, I just wanted it to go faster, so I know it soon."

Grietje continued talking to me until we heard a knock on the door that opened shortly thereafter. Julian put his head into the room and Grietje signaled him to enter. He just said that the food was ready.

I went down still with a little swollen face and my friends pretended they didn't notice I was a wreck.

As I listened to their conversations, my mind started to adjust to what was happening and I was able to enjoy their company and what was happening around me.

I stayed last, to help Maud and Evi finish organizing the things.

"Kitty, are you sure you don't want to sleep here?" Evi asked worriedly.

"Yes... I think I better sleep in my own bed today. I didn't drink nearly anything and I'm fine to go home."

"But it is very cold outside." Maud pointed out the obvious.

"We're at the end of December, it wouldn't be any different, Maud. I'll be home in 10 minutes, it's really fine."

"Hm... I know we won't be able to convince you otherwise, so text me as soon as you get home?"

"Sure, I wouldn't like to worry you! I'm a very good friend" I replied as a joke, using a little bit of charm.

"You are the best, but please text me as soon as you get home." She reinforced.

As I pedaled and felt the cold wind against my uncovered face, I reflected on how having left things in the hands of the universe this past year has not helped me at all. I did my best, but I tried to count on luck too and it didn't get me anywhere.

I would do things differently now and I would not wait for the new year to start this change in attitude.