Temptation [ Min Yoongi | ENG ]

F O R T Y T H R E E

I let myself sink on the couch when he left. I turned on the television so I wouldn't be alone and I got lost between what I watched and what I thought.

I didn't notice when I fell asleep, but I woke up to the light of day lighting my face. The sun was high enough to indicate that it was not too early.

I was terribly hungry, but I looked first for my cell phone that was lost among the sofa cushions. It was out of battery. When I finally managed to turn it on, I saw a text from Maria, informing me that she had given me a sick day off both yesterday and today and that I wouldn't have to worry.

I went to the kitchen and while my lunch was defrosting in the microwave I contemplated what I would do with that huge and chic coffee maker that now inhabited my kitchen, but would have no use since that day.

I didn't have the courage to do anything, I still loved him. Our breakup didn't change that and I couldn't believe that I had never told him that. I never said I love you.

Grietje's words, months ago, came back to my ears. Our feelings are not stupid, but we make the wrong choices. What would I change if I could go back and do things differently? If I changed anything, would he still be with me?

I clearly remember when he first said that he loved me. I still feel the vibration of his voice against my skin. I never did that for him. He left me without me giving him the privilege of a similar memory.

I ate without feeling the taste of anything and went to my room. I put on a warm enough outfit to go out and then headed out into the street. When I arrived at the small warehouse where I keep my bike I realized that it had stayed at the Mediapark.

Irritated, I decided to walk over there. In about 20 minutes I had arrived and got on my bicycle quickly, afraid of anyone seeing me there.

I headed towards the woods, on the other side of the train line, and cycled aimlessly. I just wanted to feel my body working.

I cycled for about an hour and when I stopped I saw the park behind his home. I allowed myself to sit at one of the picnic tables near the playground. I knew he was not at home, I was not in danger of being caught in the act of going back to a space that would no longer be part of my routine.

I lit a cigarette and took my phone out of the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt. I sent a message updating Maud and making sure everything was fine. I was going to therapy in a little while and she could meet me at home tomorrow.

I put on my headphones and turned on a playlist. I took advantage that there was no one around and allowed myself to cry. I let the tears come out without any censorship and sooner rather than later, they were gone.

I wiped my face on the cuff of my sweatshirt and then stood up, making sure my cigarette butt was out crumpling it between the floor and my sneakers.

I got on the bike and looked around me one last time.

I followed the streets to my psychologist's office. I arrived early and waited outside until the time approached.

He listened to me in silence, just punctuating some information. The session was not much different than it normally was, but this time he gave me a sick leave note so I could stay home until the end of the week.

I didn't believe that after all my progress I was back here because of a broken heart.

He told me that the note was not because he thought it was really necessary, but that he thought I could save myself from having to deal with my work environment when I had that option. The choice of whether or not to use it was mine.

I came home thinking about what he had told me and understood his point. I got home, photographed the paper he handed me and sent it to Maria.

>>>><<<<

I was on the couch with the television on, not paying attention to what was going on when my intercom rang. I knew it was Maud and I opened it without asking who it was.

I unlocked the apartment door and went back to the couch.

Tulip was the first person I saw entering my living room and I understood that Maud brought a gang to comfort me. Tulip was waving a package in her hands and had a sweet smile on her lips. And I knew exactly what she had brought me.

Evi kissed me on the cheek and headed for the kitchen. Lotte sat next to me and let me when I cuddled in her lap. She kissed the top of my head, but said nothing.

Maud and Grietje came in last and settled on the floor after kissing me, taking the package that Tulip had left on the coffee table.

Evi brought several fried junk in its original containers and settled down next to Maud, who lit a joint and swallowed it before handing it over to me.

I accepted it silently and sucked on it a few times before someone said anything. It was Grietje.

She said they knew Yoongi and I had broken up. Lotte said that Yoongi had gone to hers and Dirk's house after he left me and the two men had been locked in their room for hours. She didn't know what they had talked about, but he didn't get out of there any better than he was when he arrived.

I said that I didn't want to talk about the events. They all knew what had happened. I just wanted the company of my friends.

They told me stories of work and other more fun stories while I smoked, all the while we ate. They made me smile and laugh and I managed to feel lighter in their company.