The 10th Commandment

chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

ANGELARRA’S P.O.V

Who would have thought Sydney and I could fall in love?

Saat saya mengungkapkan perasaan cinta saya terhadap Sydney, saya sendiri pun terkejut… hahaha… astaga… tidak tau malu oh kau, Angelarra… tambah-tambah lagi Sydney yang diam mematung saja, ketara dia pun terkejut ni…

I can feel myself blushing… tsk tsk… sampailah saya berusaha menahan malu…

“Syd…” saya tersenyum lemah… “you don’t have to…”

“I love you…” saya hampir… sangat hampir tidak dengar… “I love you…”

And he said it over and over again… dari hujung kaki saya sehingga hujung rambut saya… I’ve never felt so loved by a man before… so much love… sesak dada saya…

***

The ending of a contract, lead to the beginning of a love relationship… and adding to a long list of family members… all the Robinsons and Choongs…

At the airport sending Sydney’s family off, kami singgah dulu at a resto…

Saya terasa lega the guys decided untuk tidak bergabung meja, instead they were seated at the smoking area… kenapa saya terasa lega? rasanya kenapa? Sydney lah siapa lagi… Sydney kalau boleh menempel terus di nenen saya… hahaha! Saya pula yang terasa so shy bila dia terlalu memberi perhatian… kadang macam sengaja lagi tu… so everyone tau sudah about us… tapi Kimmy terkecuali…

I am just not ready for Kimmy to know… I don’t know why… but being in between Kimmy and Kurtis, Sydney and London… with all my history with Kurtis and my future with Sydney, saya masih belum bersedia untuk menjelaskan kepada Kimmy kisah di sebalik sandiwara penampilan yang saya kenakan selama 10 tahun…

How am I supposed to tell Kimmy that Kurtis and I had a short relationship that ended with sex and abortion when he left me?

How am I supposed to tell Kimmy I nearly died of forceful miscarriage? kekecewaan dan ketakutan yang saya rasai masa tu telah membuatkan saya mengambil keputusan untuk menggugurkan kandungan saya…

How am I supposed to tell Kimmy what changed me was her brother? My looks, the bad grades, the bullyings…  

How am I supposed to tell Kimmy that her brother returned after 10 years and begged, no... demanded us to be back like we were 10 years ago? Kurtis… seenak-enaknya mau minta balikan sepertinya tiada dosa saja…!

And how am I supposed to tell Kimmy about the contract I made with Sydney to keep Kurtis away? the contract ended, and I fell in love with Sydney… sedangkan her brother is still on my heels…

And how am I supposed to tell Kimmy, because of me, Sydney pointed a gun at Kurtis… her brother-in-law vs her brother…?

ARGH!! Saya bukan siapa-siapa pun kepada Kimmy… only a bestfriend… Kurtis is her brother, related by blood… Sydney is her future brother-in-law, related by marriage…

Saya terasa macam saya mengkhianati persahabatan kami…

Ugh, nantilah fikir tu…

“Angelarra… cantik your name kan, sweetie?” Sydney’s mom mengusap rambut saya dengan lembut…

“call me Rara only, aunty…” saya tersenyum… she’s so motherly… terus saya terasa I miss my mom…

“Rara…” tangan lembut Sydney’s mom menurun ke lengan saya… “why you suddenly pucat this?”