WARNING: Long chapter ahead. Sana hindi kayo tamarin. Thanks. This is it!
---
DOCTOR
The whole time I was driving, iniisip ko na sana ibinangga ko nalang sa poste ng kuryente o 'di kaya ay inihulog ko sa bangin at ilog ang sinasakyan ko. Ang hirap. Hindi ko masikmura ang lahat ng kalokohang ginawa sa akin. Masyado bang malaki ang kasalanan ko para parusahan naman ako ng ganito? Nawalan ako ng anak, nagloko ang asawa ko, ngayon naman nabuntis niya ang kaibigan niya na akala ko ay totoo sa akin.
Ganun ba kalala ang kasalanan ko?
Nagdadalawang isip ako kung kakatok ako sa harapan ng pintuan ni Lovelle. Wala akong mapuntahan. Wala akong malapitan, ang bigat ng dibdib ko. Pakiramdam ko sasabog ako. I don't know what came into my mind but I saw myself already knocking.
Within seconds, Lovelle opened the door and I finally burst out. I fell into her arms, I couldn't do anything but sob. She was hushing me down, rubbing my back, asking me what happened but there were no words forming on my mouth. My tounge tied in an instant.
Lovelle carefully anchored me in hers and then lets me in. Mukhang patulog na siya dahil sa itsura niya, mas lalo akong nahihiya sa kaniya. Nakaabala pa ako ng tao. She then handed me a glass of water to make me somehow calm.
"I'm s-sorry to bother you at this h-hour. Wala lang talaga akong ibang maisip na p-puntahan kung 'di i-ikaw..." I sobbed. She pulled me into a hug again, when we broke the hug I saw her eyes with tears already.
"Ano bang nangyari sa'yo? Ha? Pinagaalala mo ako." Lovelle started tucking some loose hair behind my ears while wiping my face with her hands. "Anong nangyari? Bakit ganiyan ang itsura mo, Dennise?"
Through thick and thin, you never leave. You stayed. You are always there. You accepted me and my flaws. That's why I thanked God for your life.
"Sinaktan ka ba ni Joaquin?" A sudden change of her voice struck me.
I nodded slowly, "Sinaktan niya ako. Sinaktan nila ako." then cried like a baby longing for her mom again. Siya lang ang makakaintindi sa akin ngayon.
Even if there were tears flowing down her cheeks, you can sense her in a fighting mode. Lovelle held my chin and made me face her. "Anong ginawa niya sa'yo? Paano ka niya sinaktan? Sino pa ang nanakit sa'yo? Sabihin mo sa akin...ayaw kitang nakikitang ganito, Grace, parang awa mo na."
"Joaquin got Ynel pregnant. They cheated on me at wala akong kaalam alam. Ni hindi ko man lang nakita o nahalata. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit nila nagawa yun sa akin pero h-hindi ko kaya. Wala akong lakas."
Lovelle held me in her arms while I bawl nonstop. I didn't imagine myself being at this situation. I look so helpless. I look so weak and I hate it. I hate them.
"Hayop na lalaking 'yun! You don't deserve this! Mga walang hiya. Paano sila nakakatulog sa gabi nang may nilolokong tao? At ikaw pa na asawa niya? Ang kakapal ng mukha." She said, consoling me.
I don't know anymore. All I need is a consistent person right now to be with me, to heart me, to listen to me, to comfort me.
---
