Surprise!
———
DOCTOR
Chirping birds. Wide blue sky. Cold breeze. The grass sways as if they are dancing into the rythym of my heart as I breathe. I look around. It's been a while but still feels the same. Longing. Longing for someone who can't be with me forever.
With a basket of fruits in my hand, a hat on my head, and sunglasses for my eyes, I took a step and began walking. This place is peaceful, quiet, calm. The only visible things in my sight are those kites flying above me. As I move closer I can't help but to feel the need to feel something. Something different. Something deep. Something that will make me realize things.
"I miss you."
I miss you. Those were the words formed on my mouth and decided to escape. Well, maybe that's how I think—rather that's how I feel. I wipe the grave infront of me using a roll of tissue. Slightly dirty. This needs to be clean as soon as possible.
"It's been years but I still miss your presence. How are you up there? Do you miss me too? You know, I thought I'm okay now...but every time I remember how you you look, how I touch you and how I wrapped my arms around the moment I know I lost you, the pain comes back."
I startled when a tear from my eye fell. I'm getting emotional. You cannot blame me. I haven't visited this place for so long. Have you ever felt that? The feeling of regret to not do incredible things to the one you love?
Sometimes we wish for impossible things in order to keep those person who matters the most in our lives. We pray and we wait. We wait for God to answer. And we pray to stop the clock from ticking. For what? Just to be with the one you love.
But the reality is, we cannot control time. We cannot stop time no matter how willing you are to do things that is outside your capacity. And that's a big slap.
Aren't we all crazy? I guess we are. We are ready to face horrible things just to say that we did it. I don't know, my tears can't stop from falling. I'm starting to accept things that it's over and I can't bring those times back.
"But maybe you left because you want me to learn things by myself. You want me to be okay and not lean on anyone. You want me to be happy—and find that constant state without the help of others. Pero ang daya mo naman. Ang bilis bilis naman."
I sniffed. If my love could see me right now, it's obviously and continuously laughing. You are the only person who doesn't want to see me cry or hurt or feel pain. And I hate you because you left me.
"Kung sana mas binigyan ka pa ng Panginoon nang mas mahabang oras—kung sana mas naging matibay ang bond nating dalawa. Pero I guess there will be reasons why, there will always be reasons. I wouldn't question God why because I know He's planning something bigger ahead of me."
I put out two glasses. Pouring a cold fruit juice in it, slowly, gently, carefully. Wiping my tears, I smiled.
They say, every day is a new beginning. I believe that. Always. Instead of dwelling with nonsense things, I have learned to plaster a smile on my face every time I wake up. It maybe hard at first but open your heart. Your mind.
