All I Have Left

Chapter Eighty Four

It was now early July, but it didn't feel like it.

There was a dark aura all around London, and the Muggles seemed to be picking up on it, too. The bridge had collapsed and it was no doubt the work of Death Eaters. There were suspicious murders and kidnappings that Muggles were completely befuddled by, but the Order was trying to calm down the whole thing.

Some would think that now being on summer break, having no classes and not having to worry about exams would be nice, that being able to relax would happen. But they'd be wrong.

Sirius Black was dead, it was my fault, and now the entire Wizarding World knew that Voldemort was back.

And as much as Mother and Father try to tell me it isn't my fault, that I couldn't have known that what I was seeing wasn't true, I didn't believe it. If it had been just Harry who saw the vision of Sirius, then maybe he would still be alive right now, since we probably wouldn't have believed it whatsoever. But since I'm a Seer and saw it...

Mother wasn't taking Sirius's death well, either. Could you blame her? They were closer than me and Sirius, than Harry and Sirius, and now Remus was over almost everyday as they grieved and mourned together, devastated over another loss of a friend.

Although she was grieving, she knew how to take care of herself. She had lost people before and was handling it better than I was. Perhaps she was doing better because she didn't feel guilty that Sirius had died.

I was back at home, though, but Mother and Father were always at Order meetings, always talking in hushed voices and usually using the spell "Muffliato" to keep their conversations private.

I wrote to Harry and Daphne constantly, the rest not as much. I did write to Blaise, Hermione, Ginny, and even Neville and Luna, but I thought it would be too awkward to write to Ronald. However I did mention him in my letters to his younger sister, who was now dating Dean Thomas. Who would've thought...

I ached to see Harry again. I missed him and I felt he was the only one who could understand. He was like family, and like a brother, although it pained me to say it, as whenever the thought of a brother came up Sirius ran through my mind and I would want to cry.

But I haven't cried yet. I couldn't.

So I sat in my room, Athena in my lap as Smiley and I played Wizard's Chess. Remus was over and, although I would usually sit downstairs to talk to my godfather, they were talking about Order business.

I have tried to use my bracelet to spy on Mother and Father whenever they talked about the war, but she was somehow blocking me out. I would get one line they said and then would be pushed out, groaning in frustration.

It couldn't hurt to try, though.

"Checkmate." I say, destroying Smiley's piece and winning the game.

"Good job, Lila!" Smiley congratulates, beaming, but I gave her a forced smile.

"Thanks, Smiley." I sigh, rubbing my eyes out of tiredness. I haven't slept in a long time. "You don't mind getting me a glass of water, do you? Maybe get Athena some milk..."

"Of course!" Smiley says, nodding. "Smiley will be back in a minute!"

And with a snap, Smiley disappears and I'm left alone.

Hurriedly, I grab the charm Mother and Father gave me and clutch it between my two fingers, closing my eyes and sucking in a breath.

I saw Mother and Father on the couch next to one another, hands hold each other's, talking to Remus, who was sitting in an arm chair, elbows on his knees.