All I Have Left

Chapter Ninety Seven

finally finished this chapter!!!!! sorry for not posting for so long. i will 100% be finishing 6th year over the summer and will try to get a lot of 7th year done soon, too. my posting WILL be more consistent! thank you to everyone reading, i really appreciate you guys! :)

CW: mentions of suicidal thoughts and mature scenes.

I sit on my bed one afternoon in late March, the leaves gaining color once more, the flowers beginning to bloom, the air misty and dark in contrast. My legs are crossed and my journal is in my lap, filled with notes about the Horcruxes and my vision.

I inhale deeply, then exhale, studying my vacant dormitory; all the other girls had gone home for the Easter holidays, yet I had remained to work on the task. The silence of the room was suffocating, the loneliness nauseating, yet I would rather endure the abandonment of my roommates than return back to Malfoy Manor and be in the company of those I detest most.

Closing my eyes, I focus on the memory of the yellowish orange locket, recalling the green, sleek S in the middle of the pendant formed by a serpent, hanging from a silver chain. I try to think hard about the item, focusing on the image of Tom Riddle stealing the necklace from his relative.

I concentrate hard, my head beginning to hurt, seeing nothing but darkness as I attempt to delve deeper into the story of the artefact. I try to channel all of the energy I possibly can in order to use the Sight to uncover this secret, and as I focus more and more, my heart begins to race due to the anticipation, my blood rushing through my body becoming audible to my ears. My fists clench tighter, and all of a sudden, I'm no longer in my dormitory.

No— now, I'm standing on a cliffside, watching the waves crash against the dark rocks, the sound of the sea calming and unsettling all at once. The water goes on for miles, no land in sight before me, but as I turn around, I see a cave behind me, distant and unfamiliar and blurry.

When I blink, I'm back in my body, on my bed at Hogwarts. I gasp, my eyes fluttering open. My head feels light now, and something trickles down my face. I reach up to dap at the spot above my lip and realize my nose is bleeding. When I reach out to my bedside to grab a tissue, my body sways, and everything goes dark as I lose consciousness.

~

Sitting on the couch in the Room of Requirement, I'd never thought I could feel so uncomfortable.

Sure, I've been angry on this couch, and awkward and upset and loads of other emotions aimed not only towards the unbearable weight of this task, but mostly at the blonde boy that taints my thoughts.

However, I've never felt so out of place, so on-edge, waiting for him to say anything, to reveal any sort of emotion.

I'm flipping through books mindlessly, not even reading the pages as I turn them over, as Draco takes his turn repairing the Cabinet. Ever since I walked into the Room and saw him casting the charm on the Cabinet, not even sparing me a glance, I've been waiting for him to break his silence, to finally let a sliver of feeling escape through any crack in his cold, emotionless facade.

We haven't spoken since the time in the hospital, where he revealed he had known my intentions with the poison. He's been outright ignoring me, and while I desperately want to reach out to him and speak with him, my pride has been standing in the way; not only has it been stubborn in refusing to let me be the one to fold first, but it's mortified by the fact that Draco knows I almost killed myself. Knowing he was aware of such a vulnerable, raw side of me without us ever having addressed it beyond the initial confrontation has my nerves heightened.

And the thing is, I really want to speak with him again. I never thought I would say this, but I miss him. I miss Draco. I've been in a coma for weeks, and when I finally break out of it, we're giving each other silent treatment.