All I Have Left

Chapter Ninety Four

sorry for not posting for so long! finally I'm back :) this is a long one, so i hope you guys enjoy.

The return to Malfoy Manor was miserable and lonely.

After escaping the large estate and residing in Hogwarts for months, the way of life in Malfoy Manor had escaped me. I could recall the dreadful state my mind was in, and how everything felt like torture— but the true horror of the place had been forgotten.

Hogwarts was homey and warm, with candles illuminating every corridor and a welcoming atmosphere resembling a comforting hug. It enveloped you and embraced you, and it was easy to fall into the coziness and simplicity of Hogwarts. It was easy to lose yourself in the joy, and momentarily step away from all former terror.

Now, back at Malfoy Manor, the gloominess of the entire place only enhanced the nightmares and depression I had been feeling since my parents' deaths.

Death Eaters loomed in nearly every corner of the house; the sitting room, the gardens, Lucius Malfoy's private library, and the dining hall. The only places I had an ounce of privacy was in my bedroom, which was empty and blank, save for the scattered books about the Vanishing Cabinet on the desk.

I had meals delivered to my room and ate alone. Being around the Death Eaters was not only torturous because of the reminder they served, but also because they felt the need to constantly mock and taunt me over anything I did.

Most of my time was spent in my bedroom; however, there was much more access to darker and crueler books in the Malfoy library, and I only left my room to go exchange the books I had for new ones.

I could feel myself growing closer to discovering the solution to fixing the Cabinet— there was a vast selection of books on dark artifacts, and I had gained more knowledge in the past few days at Malfoy Manor than I had in my last few months at Hogwarts.

Despite feeling lonely and isolated locked up in my room studying for hours, it was nice to work in quiet. I had a tendency to speak to myself while doing any sort of research or studying, and in the past few months Draco has teased me for it relentlessly.

It was embarrassing, and I oftentimes tried to remain silent, but in moments where I got caught up in my work I talked my way through my thoughts and got a never ending wave of pestering from Draco about it.

It also helped me get through books more efficiently. I would go through multiple books a day, and while my head would pound unbearably as I prepared for bed, it was worth the pace I was working at. I simply requested a Draught for pain relief from the elves the next morning.

My joints were stiff and my muscles ached, and to make matters worse I had gotten barely any sleep. This wasn't unusual; even during the school year, I didn't sleep much, and when I awoke from nightmares in my bedroom at Malfoy Manor, I wasn't surprised in the slightest at the disturbance.

But one night, instead of being awoken by flashes of corpses and gore, it was from a stinging burn on the back of my neck. I shot up in my bed, reaching behind my neck to see if there was anything on my skin, and when the back of my hand grazed my thick curls, I retracted my arm sharply and realized it was my hair.

I had hurried out of bed and gone to the mirror, noticing the front two strands of white hair glowing brightly. I gathered my long locks in my hands and arranging them to see the hidden pieces underneath— and there, I noticed an alarming amount of white hair that was also glowing.

The new white curls remained unexplained, and I couldn't find any reason for them to have appeared. At the moment, I had been focused on getting rid of the burning pain the hair caused in order to get as much sleep as I could before the nightmares plagued me again. So, I had tied my hair into a satin scarf that sat atop of my head rather oddly, the feeling new and unfamiliar.