The Roommate

15.

Mingyu pov

Seungkwan was practically running home. I was just worried for him so I follow him home. To my surprise, instead of going home, he goes to Seungcheol hyung's house.

"What happened Kwann-a?" I hear Seungcheol hyung say.

"Nothing. I already texted Hongjoong hyung that I will take the evening shift." I was going to leave when I hear Jeonghan hyung.

"Did something happen with Mingyu?" My name makes me stop and listen, even though I probably shouldn't.

"I just like him so fucking much and today he comes and tells me that he wants to ask out Jeon Wonwoo. I HATE HIM!! I hate the fact that he is pretty and thin and the person who is gonna get to date Mingyu. Who has been by his side for nearly his whole life? Me. Who has patiently waited for all these years for him to reciprocate his feelings? Me. I'm just so fucking tired."

During his whole speech, I was shocked beyond belief. I didn't know he liked me. I didn't mean for him to think of himself as ugly or fat. I just couldn't look at him that way. I felt terrible for making him feel this way. Jeonghan hyung's voice breaks my line of thought.

"Listen Boo Seungkwan. You are neither ugly or fat. You are fine the way you are." Jeonghan hyung says.

"Hannie is right. Mingyu is an idiot for not wanting to be with you. You are a great person kwannie."

"Thanks hyungs. I love you Seungcheol hyung and for Jeonghan hyung, I hate you less." Jeonghan hyung just chuckles.

"How about we go for ice cream?" 

"Seungcheol hyung are you gonna come?"

"As much as ice cream sounds nice, Hongjoong hyung just texted me saying there is no one at the cafe."

"Okay. We'll drop you off at the bus stop and then go for ice cream."

I didn't move fast enough and now I found myself face-to-face with all three of them. I knew I was fucked then.

Seungkwan pov

I walk out to see myself face-to-face with Kim Mingyu. That's when I knew I was fucked. He must have heard everything.

"Hey Mingyu." Jeonghan hyung brightly says.

"Hi hyung." Both of us aren't even looking at each other.

"Well, I was going to drop off Seungcheol at the bus stop." He and I both knew this was just a ploy for both of us to be alone. They both hurry out of their and I'm left alone with him.

"Do you want to talk?" He asks and I nod, still not looking at him.

"Should we go to the roof?" Again, I nod and we start to head to the roof. 

"So Seungkwan I heard some part of the conversation you were having and.." I cut him off.

"Mingyu hyung." I force myself to look at his eyes before I continue. "It is true that I like you and have liked you for some years now. But another thing I want is your happiness. If being with Wonwoo hyung makes you happy, please do it. I'll be fine." 

I was on the verge of tears once again. But I had to be strong.

"I'm so sorry Seungkwan."

"For what?"

"For not seeing your feelings."

"It's okay. Even if you did see it it wouldn't have made no difference because you will have seen me as a friend."

There is another uncomfortable silence. After a while, he breaks the silence.

"I'm not going to ask him out."

"Why? Don't do it because it will hurt me. Confessing has already been my first step towards moving on." It wasn't at all true but he had to believe it.

"Are you sure Seungkwan? You are one of my most treasured friends ever. I don't want to hurt you."

 He should have realized by now that him calling me a friend also is a way of hurting me. But I keep my mouth shut.

"Please go ahead hyung." He gives me a long look before he leaves me. I immediately burst into tears and let my pain take over.

Seungcheol pov

Jeonghan and I quickly leave them behind and start walking towards the bus stop.

"I feel terrible." Jeonghan says

"It's okay. They will figure everything out." I reassure him and we continue to walk in silence.

"Seungcheol-a?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a really bad feeling that something is gonna happen to Seungkwan."

"Don't worry. They will be fine." I don't think it makes him feel any better. He turns around and starts running towards our house. I go after him. He can run really fast when he wants to. I take double steps up the stairs and by the time I reach, Jeonghan has disappeared once more.

"Where did he go?" I ask Mingyu, who was standing around.

"Up on the roof." 

I tear after him. It is a long way to the roof as there is no lift here. I burst through the door and see Seungkwan standing on the edge of the wall and Jeonghan, distraught but a little distance away from him.

"Tell him to get down from there." Jeonghan says as it dawns on me what Seungkwan is about to do.

"Don't come near me." He shrieks and we back up a little.

"Seungkwan why are you doing this?" It's hard to keep a level voice.

"It's not because of Mingyu. It's because of everything. My history makes it hard for people to not bully me. You think people don't bully me anymore? They do." He lifts his sleeve to show these scars.

"I can't anymore hyung." Before I could say anything, He jumps from the roof.

Seungkwan pov

"I can't anymore hyung." 

I knew I had to jump now. Without looking back once, I jump off from the roof. As I was falling, all my friends flash through my eyes for one last time.

Before everything is dark.

I know I'm writing this but let's make it very clear. Suicide is never the option. I know life seems hard sometimes but we must try. As a person who has attempted suicide, I assure you that it will not solve any of your problems. I know it's hard to think that life can be positive but it can be. Let's try it one day at a time.