Harry || h.s.

0.9- Rosie

three years before

I sat in the teacher lounge next to Calum, coffee in my hands as I tried to get some energy back.

"maybe you just got a bug from the kids, I swear they always get me so fucking sick," he muttered placing stickers over his student's worksheets.

"well it needs to go away I've been sick for a bit now," I comment hugging my mug closer to my body wanting some kind of warmth.

"are you going to be able to come over to our dinner party? Rachel set up this nice menu and everyone will be there," Calum muttered looking up hopefully. his wife who he had married when still in college had planned a whole dinner for all our friends. they had been talking about it for months now it seemed, making sure to plan it after the wedding as to get everyone together.

"of course I've already got the lesson plans ready, im so glad I got it up before all this,"

"maybe you should just get a check-up, maybe they can prescribe you some antibiotics or whatever,"

"yeah, I set an appointment up after the third night of being sick,"

"good Rachel would be devastated if you didn't come,"

I rolled my eyes, not thinking Rachel liked me all that much. when she and Calum started dating and she had come back with him for Christmas from college she had confronted me about trying to get with Calum when that was defiantly not what I was doing. she now greeted me with awkward smiles and half-hearted one-armed hugs when we got together in a group.

my appointment was after work today and then after I was going to have dinner with Fletcher over at his house.

going to the hospital back in my hometown never felt good. fletcher always making sure I was fine to go without him, he always said he would if I needed the support. I had only spent a few days in the hospital after the incident but those days had been horrible. driving past the building always brought up that night, stepping in always brought on cold nerves I never wanted to feel again.

I had wanted to go to the doctor in the town over but the drive was too much and I wanted to get a bottle of wine before heading over to fletchers and if I had I'd just end up showing up late. so I'd suck up this dread and just deal with the thirty minutes of small talk to find out whatever this bug was.

"miss. onings?" the nurse calls and I stand already feeling my stomach turn as I'm lead back to the small examination room.

we do the usual check-up things, she takes my blood pressure asking about my job.

"little kids are so fun,"

"wild," I chuckle and she nods. "I mean they are fun but so much work,"

the conversation soon changed to relationships and I couldn't help but tense up. I tried to push my feelings always. harry was always going to be on my mind but if I brought him to the forefront I'd turn into a crying mess asking myself what I had done wrong. I didn't want to even think of being in a relationship, not with anyone.

"so you're not dating or..."

"oh no, I don't...date?" I say not knowing why I was feeling so awkward. but at my age in the society we live in, I should have been, I should have been almost engaged, maybe even married, getting a house, on the road to having children. I felt embarrassed having to say that wasn't what was happing, that I was behind on everything.

even with my friends, I didn't like talking about it because they were all on the socially excepted track. I had my job and a tight hold on a relationship I had in high school that I shouldn't have but couldn't let go of.