Harry || h.s.

3.7- Rosie

I felt restless as I went through my week, each day I would come home tired and needing one hell of a shower to clear my mind. and as I walked into my apartment building to check my mail I  sighed out loud over seeing Owen coming out of the elevator. it wasn't intentional but at that moment I didn't want to put on a face to appease anyone. 

my feet hurt from standing all day teaching, my head hurt from children screaming, and my neck hurt from sleeping weird the night before. the last thing I wanted was to have small talk. 

but the second he saw me his face broke into a smile. "Rosie!" his arms going up as if I was some long-lost friend he hadn't seen in a while. 

"Hi Owen," I smiled trying to get to the mailbox to hurry up to the apartment. Ashton had said he was running a bit late to pick up the kids and would just bring sam up so I wasn't waiting in the lobby for too long. I wanted to take my shoes off and lay on the couch for at least two seconds. 

"I feel like it's been so long since we spoke," he said leaning against the mailboxes. "I know you said you were busy this weekend and couldn't do coffee but I was wondering about maybe next weekend?" 

"oh," I said already feeling bad about not wanting to. "you know I'm so busy right now and I don't know how my schedule is going to look," 

"I hope you're not avoiding me," he chuckles moving to check his own mailbox, "I really thought we hit it off, but I get it if you're not ready for a relationship at the moment," 

"relationship?" I ask head turning to look at him as he nodded, not facing me as he locked his mailbox. "I um, I'm sorry to give you the wrong impression, truly before sams dad came back I was maybe open to the idea but now I'm just..." I closed my mailbox a bit flustered as I pulled the key out. "not anymore," I whispered the last bit not knowing how to say it any nicer. "we can stay friends I really do enjoy your company," 

he scoffed shoving his keys into the pockets of his pants. "you know you really didn't have to be such a tease," 

his words took me kind of off guard, I blinked at him my mail clutched in my hands, the letters having a slight tremor as my hand shook steadily. he took a step closer to me and I was a bit frozen in my spot, a slight fear slipping into my body as he stood there towering over me. "please step back," I muttered my breathing quicker as I felt the slight panic attack building up. 

"Whatever," he muttered before moving past me, shoulder bumping mine as I stumbled back. 

I stood for a good while trying to get my breathing back to normal without it being obvious even if no one was around to see. but I had given up, tears already wanting to fall as I turned to the elevator, finger smashing onto the buttons to get me to my floor. 

I hated how easily one moment I could be completely fine, unbothered by those around me, with no flashback of my past, no problems, but then small things could shatter the glass box I had set up around myself. and this was a small stone hurled right at its weakest point. 

when I had started therapy when living with my aunt it had seemed as if I would never move out of the mindset I was stuck in. that every breath would feel like my last, that every whisper was from someone coming to hurt me. it felt never-ending, felt as if one day I would just crumble until I was no more. I had worked hard to finally learn that wasn't true. but it didn't stop that I was still damaged from what had happened to me. what I had learned was that what had happened to me wasn't me it was only a moment that I had to not make define me. but it was still incredibly difficult to work through. 

I stumbled into my apartment, closing the door and making my way straight to my bathroom. taking off all my clothes getting into the shower, the water burning me. I started to scrub my skin, tears starting to fall as I tried to wash away these feelings. I didn't want to let sam see me like this, didn't want to let harry see me like this.