Harry || h.s.

3.8- Harry

mature content! 

I sat in my rental car looking out the windshield to the neatly cut lawn across the street. I had been out here already for thirty minutes sitting with my car keys in my lap, teeth worrying at my bottom lip as I thought over what I wanted to say. but that was just the thing I didn't know what to say, didn't know how to apologize different from the ways I had already. 

I rolled my shoulders back, letting out a huff of air as I pushed the door open and walked across the lawn to the front door. I knocked on the door and when it opened I don't know why I didn't think his wife wouldn't have answered. she stood there, a long-legged brunette with tanned skin looking back at me as if I was a relief. 

"oh thank god, I thought you were that damn solar pannel guy he keeps coming over here trying to sell them to us and I swear this was going to be the time I actually ripped his head from his shoulders," she says leaving the door open for me as she turned walking into the house not even looking to see if I followed. 

I stood at the entrance of the door, my plan was thrown to its side as I walked in, closing the door behind me. 

"fletcher!" she yelled up the stairs, she looked to me with a wide welcoming smile, "would you like something to drink?" 

"oh no I'm good," I say hands shoved into my pockets. I felt like a little kid asking someone's parents if my friend could come to play outside with me. 

"if you need anything just ask," she said moving to the living room, a baby mat laid out with their child kicking his legs out at the mobile hanging over him. my nephew, the one I hadn't known about. and before I could turn to ask maria about him fletcher was coming down the stairs, the sound of his footsteps heavy as he walked. 

"Why are you here?" are the first words out of his mouth, I was left open-mouthed and dumbfounded. 

"I wanted to apologize-"

"don't care, leave," he was walking towards me and I was worried he would hit me again but he didn't only walked past me, shoulder bumping mine as he pulled open the front door. 

"fletcher-" I said feeling like a fish out of water, my mouth opening and closing not knowing what to say only knowing I needed to say something. "doesn't it mean anything that I'm trying at least?" 

but he didn't look at me as he held the door open, jaw stiff as he looked at the wall. 

I felt myself getting angry at his reaction, balling my fists like a little kid. I felt so childish this whole time, everything making me feel diminished. and with him here not even trying, when I wanted too badly to try. I grit my teeth, fed up. why even come here? why come here if I didn't mean my apology? why keep trying to get back to some kind of beginning if I didn't mean what I said? 

I knew he felt mad over more than just me leaving. he had said enough when we were on the front lawn of our parent's house. I never knew he held pent-up anger from our childhood. I did know I held anger towards our father for not making me a part of his life until he needed to but fletcher had been a part of his life. although I didn't know what it was like to grow up in the house before I came along I didn't think it was bad because fletcher never brought it up at all. 

I hadn't ever hated fletcher because he had been the one our father picked to live with him when we were younger, if anything I had been angry to find out my father hadn't helped my mom and me when we had struggled. 

had he been angry way longer than he had let on? I knew he hadn't spent time at the house in high school but I thought it was because of Rosie, that she hadn't wanted to come around, not that he had made sure to stay as far away from the house as possible. he didn't even like to sit at dinner with us back then. but he was fine going over every Sunday?