Harry || h.s.

1.4- Harry

I woke up with a splitting headache on a sheetless mattress. 

"you stupid fucking idiot," I muttered to myself, hand resting over my eyes as if that would make my headache somehow go away. I sat up body already feeling sluggish and heavy. 

I wanted to take back all I had said, all I had done. but I didn't want to think about it, it happened now I had to live with my stupid decisions, try to fix them. and so I got up, stumbling to put on my pants and get some aspirin into my system before I got moody. 

the only place close was the grocery store and I walked in already knowing where I needed to go. I wanted to get out as fast as possible. this was the only grocery store in town and I knew it was the place you would always see the person you didn't want to see. 

I hated coming back and seeing people I knew in high school, hated come back to this town. but I would do it for my family, do it for Rosie but now I knew I had to move on. 

she was with someone else. living her life in a way I hadn't made it to yet. 

I wondered if I would find someone new, someone to marry and have children with just as she had already done. 

fuck what I needed was to get laid, maybe I wouldn't be so depressed. but I knew sex didn't solve anything and it definitely didn't solve everything. 

I shook my head grabbing the aspirin and turning down the aisle to leave when I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a long time. 

"hey," I chuckled but Ashton only looked at me wide-eyed. 

"hey," he said weakly when a little bit of awkward silence passed. "I didn't know you were back," 

"oh yeah, I'm visiting the family, trying to get fletcher to talk to me," 

he chuckled, "good luck, I um- I should get going," and I looked to his cart, two little kids sitting there both looking at me with wide eyes. a little boy in the seat and a girl in the basket. 

"oh seems like everyone's having babies," I say and Ashton nods. 

"Yeah seems like," he says scratching the back of his neck stepping in front of the cart a bit. 

"Are you married?" I ask.

"oh no single dad, doin' what I do," 

"wow, two kids what are their names?"

"oh um," he moved out of the way a bit, "this is Dylan," he says rustling the boy's light brown curls. "he's three," the boy nodded hazel eyes big before Ashton pinched at his cheek making him giggle. 

"hi Dylan," I smiled waving my hand causing the aspirin bottle to shake. 

"and um that's sam," Ashton says once more rubbing the back of his neck. 

the girl in the cart stood up a bit holding up three fingers, "and I'm three too," her face scrunched to make her point, freckled cheeks, and green eyes. 

"nice," I chuckled and she sat back down curls bouncing as she did. I looked to Ashton, "are they twins or...?" 

"oh no, sams um not mine I'm just babysitting her,"

"oh," I chuckled before the little girl stood up again. 

"Yeah, my mama is picking me up later than she said she would take me to see uncle f-"

Ashton chuckled cutting her off, "sit when we're in the cart sam we don't want to fall," 

she listened before continuing, "and were going to play dinosaurs and and'll get to be the t-rex," 

"oh yeah?" I asked and she nodded vigorously. I looked to Ashton, "talkative isn't she?"

"you have no idea. but um I have to get going, I needed to pick up some waffles, Dylans very picky about food," 

"yeah yeah don't let me keep you, it was great seeing you, maybe we can have coffee and catch up or something," I say and he nods. 

"yeah maybe," he said before walking away to check out. 

I stood there for a bit wondering what it was that made it so awkward. I knew he was friends with Rosie and fletcher, knew that probably had to be it. he was better friends with them than me and it only made sense for him to feel weird about seeing me when they both didn't really like me at the moment.  

I paid for my aspirin before leaving. I saw Ashton in the parking lot loading the kids into the car. he picked up the little girl, her overalls having grass stains on them. she waved at me as he buckled her in and Ashton turned to see me. his face was pinched in some emotion I couldn't tell when I waved back to them. 

in the hotel room, I realized how far I had moved from the people I once said I cared about. three years ago a friend had a baby and I hadn't even known. my own brother had a child and I hadn't known.  I hated myself for what I had become when pushing those I said I cared about away. now I was some hopeless drunk. 

so badly I wanted to be someone else, wished I had stayed and waited for Rosie like I should have. I loved my music but it was lonely. so fucking lonely even when everyone believed I was surrounded by people. but I had never been so alone. I craved a past I would never get back and I would try and not let any more chances slip past me. 

I had to get over Rosie as she had gotten over me. I loved her and always will. I knew that she would be someone I would never completely get over, she had changed me into all the good parts of myself and I would always love her for that. always. 

but first, I needed to talk with fletcher. 

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