Harry || h.s.

1.3- Rosie

I had waited for a call, waited and waited, let it take over my mind in fear almost. each chine on my phone, the little ring had my heart racing, my fingers trembling. I was startled each time I felt the vibration. 

"Are you scared of the phone mama?" sam asked once when I was buckling her into her car seat, the phone making me jump. I had tried laughing it off but she had given me her little pinched look, head tilted, curls a mess atop her head. 

but it had only been Owen calling to confirm our date for that night. 

I wanted to tell him I changed my mind, didn't want to go through with it anymore, but fletcher had been in my ear the night before going over the reasons I 'needed' to go on a date. 

"you're all locked up alone, sad-"

"I am not sad-"

"Okay well, what do you want me to call it? dick deprived?" 

"Fletcher don't be gross,"

"what I'm just saying I know you don't need a man to be happy but what you need is to forget my stupid ass brother and move on, rose-"

"Harry isn't making me sad-"

"liar liar pants on fire-"

"Are you five?" 

"Nope, I'm a grown-ass adult who can tell the truth unlike someone else I know. but seriously rose just go on one date, try at least you know to branch out. you only hang around married people and children," 

so when I picked up the phone I gave in to the peer pressure and said id be ready for him when he arrived. I dropped off sam who was excited to stay over and play with Dylan at Ashton's. she kept going over and over the movie she wanted to watch, kicking her sneakered feet on the back of the driver's seat in excitement. 

but when I went back to the apartment alone to get ready I felt suddenly sad not having her around. 

for the past three years, she was the only thing I thought about, the only thing that mattered. her humming and footsteps not around made the apartment feel empty. it was hard to think of a time without her, think of the time I had been so scared to have a baby at all. the depression that came before and after having sam had been hard and I didn't like to think back to the absolute struggle it had been in that first year. but now I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

and with all of that, I didn't feel like I should have been going out with someone. I felt busy with sam and work, felt as if I didn't know if someone else could fit into my schedule. but I felt a nagging in the back of my head that said if it had been harry...if it had been harry I would always find the time. but that was a lost dream I missed out on years ago. 

so I got ready, put on a brave face even in my worry of going out with someone I didn't really know much about. 

Owen made me feel comfortable even made me laugh throughout dinner. then we went out for a drink and he had asked me to dance. 

"you know I'm horrible at dancing," I laughed when he suggested it. 

"not dancing dancing just swaying? it's simple and better than just sitting at this dark booth," he smiled, a small smile on his face. he sure was handsome, a black strand of hair falling over his brow, the color making his blue eyes pop. he looked how I imagined people in books to look, all those nice clean edges and perfect smiles. 

and he had made true to it being simple. the little encouragement from the glass of wine I had making it a little more comforting to be that close to him. he was very kind to me, very attentive when listening to the answers to the questions he posed. even when I got back to my apartment and we stood in front of my door I felt good about going out with him.