Even Heroes Have Scars

[76] 15 Minutes

A/N

Since nobody had any other suggestions, I have decided to keep Demi's pronouns in this story as she/her until it chronologically reaches 2021, at which point I will then change it to they/them. However, if someone who is non-binary comments asking me to change Demi's pronouns to they/them sooner, I will make those edits. BTW - this is a long chapter! Yay! I hope to have more long chapters like this in the future.

Jacob's P.O.V.

Cole was looking down at his feet when I opened the door.

"I'm ready to talk to you now," he mumbled, looking up at me.

"You've got fifteen minutes." I took one long gulp from my bottle, knowing I'd need it to ease my anxiety, and stepped back to let him in. I knew Ansley would be home soon. Fifteen minutes should have him gone in time.

"Thanks," he said as I shut the door.

"How'd you know where I lived?" I asked, a little uncomfortable that my middle school bully had my address.

He laughed a little, like it was natural. "Told Ben I wanted to talk to you in person when he asked permission to give you my number. That's not important. Anyway, ask whatever you need to."

I invited him to sit in the chair by the television, across from the couch, and he sat. I placed myself on the couch, afraid of being too close to him. "I don't even know where to start," I mumbled, pondering for a second how to even approach this conversation. "What did you mean a couple weeks ago when you said that hurting me was a way of hurting you?"

He looked down at his hands in his lap. I took this time to notice his shoes – they were so dirty I was almost certain he walked here. Through a sigh, he finally spoke. "I don't know. I mean, I do know, but I just don't know how to say it." He paused, rubbing his face a little as he rose his gaze to meet mine. "I guess I need an analogy. You know how if someone hurts a black guy, it hurts the whole community of black people? And how if someone hurts someone who's gay, it hurts the whole LGBT community?"

I nodded shortly, still confused a little by this analogy.

"Something about you felt similar to me. Different, but similar, and seeing you suffer... it affected me somehow," he continued, clearly knowing I had no idea what he was saying. "And something about you pissed me off."

"How?" I interjected. "I literally never did shit to you."

He nodded now. "And I'm sorry. You never started things, so it wasn't fair of me to treat you that way. But anyway, something about who you were made me mad. I don't know if it was your confidence, or your friends, or the fact that you dated Kate. Maybe it was all three."

He was quiet for a moment after that, so I spoke up to get him talking again, to convince him that I was still listening, still on the edge of my seat. "Can you elaborate?"

He nodded again. "You seemed so sure of who you were. And if you weren't you didn't let on to that. I mean, your friends – they'd kill for you. They supported you no matter what. You could've told them you killed someone and they'd ask where you wanted them to put the body, you know? And you had Kate. You had it all. You aren't even unattractive. And all of that combined just pissed me off."

"So you were... what – jealous?" I asked, squinting in confusion again as I sipped from my drink.

"A little. Look, I had Kate first, you know? And I knew your friends. I always liked them back in elementary school, but they were so tight-knit, so close, and I just never fit in because I had anger issues, and I liked hitting other kids. And that carried into middle school, too, them not liking me. But Kate was new in sixth grade, and I had her first," he started, but it was like he realized that made him sound very territorial, possessive, and patriarchal. "Obviously, we didn't work out. I mean, it was sixth grade – of course it didn't work out. But it was because I was so detached, and after I kissed her for the first time, I didn't really like her anymore. She wasn't bad. Don't get me wrong. But I realized I didn't really like kissing girls. Well, I didn't really realize that until a year later, when I met you. I just knew I didn't like kissing her. So I broke up with her, just told her I didn't like her anymore. That hurt her. I think she was self-conscious, so her first thought was What's so wrong with me that my own boyfriend doesn't even like me? And after that, she got close with Maddie and Drew's group, and there was no way they'd ever let me in after that. I felt so bad for hurting her like that, but she wouldn't talk to me, so it wasn't like I could tell her I was sorry. Plus, I had an image to protect."