Even Heroes Have Scars

[6] Men

A/N
This chapter is probably shorter than the others and not a lot happens but yeah I hope y'all like it! XOXO

Ansley's P.O.V.

I couldn't think straight. My mind was full of negative thoughts because I was absolutely terrified of men. Boys under the age of twenty were okay, but men, they freaked me out.

Ever since Dawson beat me and my brother, I vowed to never trust a man again. Yes, I dated guys in high school, even my nineteen year old coworker for two weeks, but I was officially done with males. I guess you could say I was a full on lesbian now. Maybe bisexual, but most likely lesbian. No regrets, though. I didn't regret picking woman over man. I didn't regret basing my life off of Dawson's decisions. I didn't regret giving him the middle finger at the funeral (okay maybe part of me regretted that). I didn't regret screaming at him, "I hate you, you mother fucking asshole! You man-whore! You're a dick and I hate you!" At the time, I regretted that because it got me beaten worse. But I don't now. Dawson abused me and my boyfriends cheated on me. Was it even possible to trust another man? Hell no. He fucking hurt my brother. My grandfather abused Dawson. Therefore, all men were abusers.

Wilmer was thirty-four, which left me panicking because I mean he was thirteen years older than Demi which made me suspicious, even though they were still relationship goals.

And then there was Demi's step-dad, Eddie. He was a good guy, I know that, he was like a real father to Demi, but what he said really triggered me about my weight, and it made Demi furious. I said I wasn't hungry but the truth was, I was starving. I hadn't eaten in two days and when I had eaten I threw it up. For three years I have old kept down two meals a month. Maybe that was bad, maybe it wasn't.

But all of my boyfriends, Dawson and his friends, girls at school, they all reminded me of how ugly and fat I was every day. Dawson made me throw up when I was younger and that started it. I'd been throwing up for five years and skipping meals for seven years, but half of those years were on Dawson's command. But now they're on mine, or I guess they're on my demons command. Whoever controlled it, they were hella good at what they were doing.

When Demi and Wilmer sat down I immediately tried to cover my legs as my heart beat increased, multiplying the beats per second as I breathed heavier. Demi held Wilmer's hand but then she looked at me with concern in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She mouthed.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to stabilize myself. He was just a guy. He was just a guy. He was just a guy. He made her happy. He wasn't going to hurt me or anybody else. Just. Breathe. She was going to get hurt. He was going to hurt her. He was going to hurt you. He was a man and all men were bad. I breathed heavier until I could even hear myself breathing, with my hands over my ears. My chest heaved and my heart beat grew even faster. I let out a few coughs as if I had asthma.

A warm hand touched my shoulder and I opened my eyes to see Demi kneeling before me. The warm hand was hers. Her eyes glowed with the light from the fire behind her, showing off her worry. She grabbed one of my hands and held it for a minute.

"Let's go talk," she whispered. "Please?"

I nodded and sniffed, realizing my cheeks were tear stained. I didn't even know I was crying. She clasped my hand tightly in hers and we stood up. My knees felt weak as I nearly fell down, but she caught me with an arm around my waist to support me. She led me to the bottom of the stairs where no one could hear us unless we wanted them to. I sat on the second to last step and she sat beside me, her posture allowing us to face each other.

"Put your hand on my chest," she instructed.

"W-why?" I choked.

"Just do it," she said in a serious tone.