Even Heroes Have Scars

[97] Fuck It, I Miss You

Trigger Warning: Brief Mention of S/A at end.

~ Late May, 2018 ~

Ansley's P.O.V.

It had been a little over a week since Demi left Dallas. She was currently about to have her first show in Belfast in Northern Ireland. I was happy for her, really. She hadn't been to Europe in a long time, and she needed to be disconnected from the toxicity of the U.S., or more specifically, L.A. I hoped that it would be harder for her to keep abusing substances while on the road.

The last time we spoke was that night on the park bench. Not a text or phone call, and not a letter or a message from her parents. It was difficult, honestly. I knew it was possible for me to exist without her, but I didn't want to. I missed her more than anything. I missed who we used to be. But we never really had a time where there weren't problems. Sure, she may have been happy with me, but she wasn't happy with herself, and that counted, too. So, I missed how it felt when we first started dating, when she was so elated that we were together that she didn't even feel so bothered with all of the other hardships. We were so genuinely happy with each other after three years of being unknowingly in love. I craved it. I wanted it back. I wanted her back.

It took all of five minutes surfing sites online and seeing the ridiculous cost of plane tickets for me to shut down the idea of visiting her and begging for her back. I would be a thousand dollars in debt and severely jet lagged from eleven hours in transit. Plus, I'd probably still be triggered if she was still using.

Rumors already began to surface on social media and in tabloids.

They're totally broken up. They haven't posted a picture together in almost a month!

Demi's been really off lately. Is she still with Ansley?

They're either broken up or getting married. Why else would they be so closed off from the media?

Do you guys think Ansley's gonna visit Demi on tour at all?

Maybe Demsley will have a collab and that's why they've been MIA?

Click here to view our latest theories on what's up with Demi Lovato and long term girlfriend Ansley Brooks!

It turned into an hour diving down rabbit holes, feeling as though nothing could ever be kept private. Of course, the fact that we were no longer together didn't have to be a secret. But for the sake of Demi's career, I didn't want anyone to figure out the reason why we actually broke up. The last thing she needed was for people to cancel her when she was on tour.

Feeling impulsive and depressed, I finally caved and called Demi while I was on my break at work, knowing that it was late enough in Ireland that she would be about to go on stage in the next hour or two.

Hearing her voice felt like my heart would stop.

"Hello?" she said into the phone.

"Hey," I replied. "Sorry to randomly call you. I just wanted to wish you luck tonight. You'll be great."

There was shuffling on her end of the call, like she was moving things around, and then she sniffled. "Oh, um, thanks. That's really sweet of you." A moment's pause ensued before she spoke again. "Is everything okay? How've you been? How's the music coming?"

"I'm okay. Keeping myself busy as much as possible. May and I finished writing all of the songs for my album, so I'm working on finalizing all of that soon," I explained.

"That's great. Whenever you get some demos recorded, I'd love to hear it if you're up for sharing," she suggested, sniffling again.

I took a deep breath. Sharing this music with her gave me anxiety. Almost every song was about her and her struggles and how I dealt with it. I feared that she wouldn't want me to share that with the world. Her sobriety wasn't my story to tell.