Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 19 ~

WHOO!

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

Baghra's relief was unmistakable, but she wasted no time to give me the instructions on how to get out. 

"Slip out with the performers tonight. Head west. When you get to Os Kervo, find the Verloren. It's a Kerch trader. Your passage has been paid."

"Have you lost your mind," I asked taking off my kefta, "You want me to cross the Fold? Alone?"

"I want you to disappear, girl. You're strong enough to travel the Fold on your own now. It should be easy work. Why do you think I've spent so much time training you?"

Another thing I hadn't bothered to question. The Darkling had told Baghra to leave me be. I'd thought he was defending me, but maybe he'd just wanted to keep me weak.

"Tell me why you're choosing now," I said putting on the tunic and blouse. "Why tonight if you knew what he intended all along?"

"We've run out of time. I never truly believed he'd find Morozova's herd. They're elusive creatures, part of the oldest science, the making at the heart of the world. But I underestimated his men."

"No, you underestimate Mal," I whispered, and Baghra's head perked up. 

"The orphan boy from Keramzin?"

"That's the one. He's a tracker, he found the stag."

Baghra just nodded and passed me a brown traveling coat lined in fur, a heavy fur hat, and a broad belt. As I looped it around my waist, I found a money bag attached to it, along with another knife and a pouch that held my leather gloves, the mirrors tucked safely inside.

She grabbed the dagger that I had gotten from Botkin that was in my hands, and concealed it against the pouch.

She led me out a small door and handed me a leather traveling pack that I slung across my shoulders. She pointed across the grounds to where the lights from the Grand Palace flickered in the distance. 

"Go to the hedge maze and turn left. Stay off the lighted paths. The part is still on and there should be entertainer wagons leaving. Find it. They're only searched on their way into the palace, so you should be safe."

"Should be?"

"When you get out of Os Alta, try to avoid the main roads," Baghra continued ignoring me and handing me a sealed envelope. "People can and will recognize you, if not as a Sun Summoner, as an army General. So, keep your head down and if anyone asks, you're a serf woodworker on your way to West Ravka to meet your new master. Do you understand?"

"Yes...Why are you helping me?" I asked suddenly. "Why would you betray your own son?"

For a moment, she stood straight-backed and silent in the shadow of the Little Palace. Then she turned to me, and I took a shocked step back, because I saw it, as clearly as if I had been standing at its edge: the abyss. 

"All those years ago," she said softly. "Before he'd ever dreamed of a Second Army, before he gave up his name and became the Darkling, he was just a brilliant, talented boy. I gave him his ambition. I gave him his pride. When the time came, I should have been the one to stop him." 

She smiled then, a small smile of such aching sadness that it was hard to look at. 

"You think I don't love my son," she said. "But I do. It is because I love him that I will not let him put himself beyond redemption. When you become a mother, you'll understand."