Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 20 ~

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

I stayed well clear of the Grisha bonfires as I strode around the lakeshore. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone.

Maybe I was being unreasonable. Or maybe I was afraid that if the Darkling wasn't dead, I would let my emotions get the best of me again.

The idea of tomorrow night's birthday dinner filled me with even more dread. Perhaps I could make some excuse.

I couldn't come up with anything reasonable by the time I reached my chambers.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, so I propped myself up in bed with one of the books I'd taken from the library: an old travel guide that listed Ravka's famous monuments.

I had the barest hope that it would point me toward the arch.

I tried to focus, but I found myself reading the same sentence again and again. My head was muzzy with champagne, and my feet still felt cold and waterlogged from the lake.

"You look great," said a voice and I saw Mal and Alina walk into my room.

"How do you guys make your relationship work so well," I asked. "I am significantly struggling right now."

"We've had our arguments," said Mal, "It also helps that neither of us is the descendant of Saints or a Prince of Ravka."

"Saints, how I wish Nikolai and I were just normal villagers right now."

Mal and Alina laughed before they laid down on the bed besides me. We were all just staring at the skylight that I had put into the chambers to make it less depressing.

The stars were pretty bright tonight and the room was illuminated with starlight.

"I love him," I said, breaking the silence, "I really do. I want to marry him. I want to be the mother of his children. I want to build my life around him...but..."

"But?" asked Mal.

"More than anything, I want him alive," I replied, "The Darkling tried to kill both of you when this first started, and that was just for helping me on the run...Imagine what he would do to Nikolai."

"A Prince of Ravka who is in a romantic relationship with me and is standing up against him," I continued, "He was relentless with his own mother for telling me information. I am terrified for what he has in store for Nik, if he catches him."

"Is that why you are trying to force distance between the two of you?" asked Mal and I nodded, "Y/n, that will just make things worse."

"He's right, Y/n," added Alina, "Think of it this way, if he's with you, you can protect him. If he isn't, how could you?"

"But separating myself from him-"

"Will do absolutely nothing," finished Mal. "He loves you just as much as you love him, and you trying to protect him won't send him away. It'll make him double down on spending every waking moment with you."

"Y/n, love is a complicated thing," said Alina, "And yes, sometimes you think you fell for the right person at the wrong time, but this isn't one of those cases."

"You and Nikolai found each other at the perfect time," said Alina. "Even though you were with the Darkling, he wasn't what you deserved or needed. Nikolai was and is."

"We told you a long time ago, Y/n," finished Mal, "A Prince would be your soulmate."

The two of them left an hour or so later but they showed up the next night to escort me to Nikolai's birthday dinner.