Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 23 ~

 Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and your families! I hope you eat lots of food and buy abnormal amounts of things for Black Friday. 

I've been told to say what I am grateful for, and I am grateful for each and every one of you who reads my books, and comments, and votes. You all make my day brighter. 

So thank you and let's get into it!

First Person - Y/n

We walked in silence for over an hour. Not once did I look up, I just stared numbly down at my feet, watching my boots move through the snow, thinking about the stag and the look on Mal and Alina's faces. 

It wasn't until I saw firelight flickering through the trees that I looked up and saw that we were in a clearing where a small camp had been made around a roaring fire. Several small tents were strung up and a group of horses was tethered to the trees. 

Mal and Alina's guards took them to one of the tents, pushing them inside and following after. I tried to catch one of their eyes, but they disappeared too quickly.

Ivan dragged me across the camp to another tent and gave me a shove. Inside, I saw several bedrolls laid out. He pushed me forward and gestured to the pole at the center of the tent. 

"Sit," he ordered. I sat with my back to the pole, and he tethered me to it, tying my hands behind my back and binding my ankles. "Comfortable?"

"Ivan, tell me you see the lunacy of this," I said as he sat across from me.  "You know what he plans to do."

"He plans to bring us peace."

"At what price?" I asked desperately. "You know this is madness."

"Y/n, you know who I lost," Ivan said abruptly and I turned away from him. "You know what you lost...I'm surprised you don't remember them."

"You-"

"I remember seeing you on that rainy night," interrupted Ivan as I glared at him. "I rarely got to see them but this was one of the days I was home. I arrived and neither of my brothers was there. A few hours later, you showed up at my house holding their stuff. You were crying, and I always wondered whether it was genuine."

"How could you even say that?" I asked angrily. "I was in love with him, Ivan! We had plans, we wanted to spend our lives together!"

"My brother always talked about you. Every time we were together, it was always about Y/n Oreli. The love of his life, a General of the First Army. I used to be in awe of the way my brother's eyes sparkled when he talked about you."

"Ivan, stop."

"He was madly in love with you. And for what I knew, you were too."

"I was."

"Then, how could you not want this? Everyone is sorry, but no one does anything about it. Only the Darkling will do something about it."

"Ivan, hear me when I say this, I want the King to pay," I said and Ivan finally met my gaze. "I want him to pay more than anything, but if the Darkling get's his way, hundreds of people will lose their families. Mothers will lose children, and children will lose mothers. Fathers. Sisters. Brothers. People will die! Maxim wouldn't want that!"

"The ends justify the means."

"What could justify the death of the innocent?" I said and Ivan turned away. "As much as we hate our enemies, we can never give up the simple idea of humanity."

"You were a General," said Ivan not looking at me. "You were, no you are a soldier. You fought in the King's Wars, and I read the reports. You've lost soldiers, you've mourned, you were the one who had to go to the homes of those men and women and tell their families that they weren't coming back. How did that feel?"