Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 19 ~

Double update cause I feel like it. I'm trying to finish the sort of second part of this book so we can start the Ruin and Rising parts.

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

I woke up the next morning, the gravity of what had happened last night hit me in the chest. I almost killed two people, then broke up with Nikolai, and then kissed the Darkling.

"Saints," I sighed falling back onto the bed.

--

Once I had gotten ready, I tracked down David on the roof of the Little Palace, where construction had begun on his gigantic mirrored dishes.

He'd set up a makeshift workspace in the shade of one of the domes. I recognized Nikolai's handwriting in one of the margins and I felt uneasy.

"How's it going?" I asked turning away from it.

"Better," he said, studying the slick surface of the nearest dish. "I think I've gotten the curvature right. We should be ready to try them out soon."

"How soon?"

"A couple of weeks," David said.

"That long?"

"You can have it soon, or you can have it right," he grumbled.

David picked up a bottle of ink and began twirling it between his fingers. He looked miserable. Not just miserable. Guilty.

I didn't think he still felt guilty about the chain around my neck.

Gently, I took the ink bottle from his hands.

"If you hadn't done it, the Darkling would have found someone else."

He twitched, something between a nod and a shrug. I set the ink down at the far edge of the table where his jittery fingers couldn't reach it and turned to go.

"Y/n...?"

I stopped and looked back at him. His cheeks had gone bright red. The warm breeze lifted the edges of his shaggy hair. At least that awful haircut was growing out.

"I heard...I heard Genya was on the ship. With the Darkling."

I felt a happy and sad for Genya. So David hadn't been completely oblivious.

"Yes," I said.

"She's all right?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't know," I admitted. "The situation when I...escaped was difficult. She got lost in the chaos."

"But she's ok?"

"I hope so," I said.

I had the hope that Genya was alive, but I didn't know really know the truth.

"I should have..."

He didn't seem to know how to finish.

I wanted to say something comforting, something reassuring but I had nothing.

"We do the best we can," I offered lamely.

David looked at me and I could see the regret he had on his face.

No matter what I said, we both knew the hard truth. We do our best. We try. And usually, it makes no difference at all.

--

I carried my mood with me to the next meeting at the Grand Palace. Nikolai's plan seemed to be working. Though Vasily still dragged himself to the council chamber for our meetings with the ministers, he arrived later and later, and occasionally I caught him dozing off.