Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 8 ~

Hello loves!

So, I know that age is a very weird topic in the whole trilogy, and since Y/n is not really 27 but most people know her to be that age in the storyline, for this book, I am making Mal, Alina, and Nikolai the same age. 

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

"Princess Lantsov? Or should it be Commander Lantsov?" asked Commander Zakharov as I walked into his tent. 

We had decided that we wouldn't leave for Os Alta right away, and spend the last three transporting shipments of goods across the Fold.

We were in the middle of decamping, and I had a brief break before Nikolai and I began the journey to Os Alta. 

"How about Y/n?" I asked. 

"Well, I had hoped to hear Commander Oreli," said Leo, "But Commander Lantsov is even better. Y/n Oreli, a Royal. Who would've thought?"

"You know the engagement is...not exactly confirmed right?" I asked hesitantly. "Nikolai and I are..."

"Not really a couple?" asked Leo. 

"You knew?"

"Of course, I know," replied Leo, "I raised you, I know when you're shocked, surprised, lying...in love. So, what is the whole situation?"

"I am engaged to the Darkling, Leo," I said sitting down, "Or I guess I was. I don't think he ever really loved me."

"What makes you say that?"

"Call it a hunch."

"Well, your hunches were always right...but do you love him?"

"I did," I answered honestly, "I think I still do, but I think that there's someone else who is...catching my attention, to say the least."

"You mean Prince Nikolai?" asked Leo, and I smiled, "Hey, I said I knew you both weren't a couple, but you don't have to be a couple to have tension."

"I guess a father always does know."

"Of course, biological or not," said Leo, "And being that, I can say that he feels something for you."

"Like what?" I asked, intrigued.

"Oh, come on, Y/n. Don't play coy with me. He loves you, I saw it in the way you two looked at each other when we first found you. That desire to protect each other...to stand by each other's side."

"Leo, even if he did...it could never happen," I replied. "It's why I had said no."

"Said no to the engagement?"

"Yes...it can never happen."

"But why could it never happen?" asked Leo. 

"Because that's only going to endanger him more," I answered, "The Darkling wants to rule Ravka, and he will kill the Royal Family. Nikolai is part of that family, which means he already has a target on his back. If I let myself love him, the Darkling would only want to kill him more."

"Part of me thinks you already do, Y/n," said Leo and I sighed. 

"I can't stop it," I mumbled, "It's like he..."

"He's everything you have ever wanted," said Leo, "and he's not afraid of your past and he is willing to stand with you through any future."

"It's too dangerous."

"Because the Darkling loves you?"

"That or the exact opposite. He hates me. If he kills the people I love, he knows that I would have to join him, or he would threaten everyone in Ravka with the same fate...That's what I would do."