Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 21 ~

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

As we got closer to Tsibeya where Mal was convinced the stag would be, the signs of spring diminished. Every now and then we would see shoots of new grasses and a few wildflowers, but that was the most of it. 

Though Mal regretted our trip into the village, he soon had to admit that it had been a necessity. The nights grew colder as we traveled north, and cookfires weren't an option as we drew closer to the outpost at Chernast.

We also didn't want to waste time hunting or trapping food every day, so we relied on our supplies and nervously watched them dwindle.

Something between all of us seemed to have thawed, and instead of the stony silence of the Petrazoi, we talked as we walked. He seemed curious to hear about life in the Little Palace, the strange ways of the court, and even Grisha theory.

He wasn't at all shocked to hear of the contempt with which most Grisha regarded the King. I had complained to him about it before, but I had expected some reaction. Apparently, the trackers had been grumbling more and more loudly amongst themselves about the King's incompetence.

"The Fjerdans have a breech-loading rifle that can fire twenty-eight rounds per minute. Our soldiers should have them, too," he told me and Alina.

"The King is an idiot," I replied. "Always has been, always will."

"If the King could be bothered to take an interest in the First Army, we wouldn't be so dependent on the Grisha. But it'll never happen...We all know who's running the country."

I said nothing. I tried to avoid talking about the Darkling as much as possible.

"You know, Commander Zakharov is stepping down," said Alina as we crossed a bridge. I nearly toppled over from shock, but Mal grabbed my arm before I could.

"He's what?" I asked.

"Yeah, not sure when but he's stepping down. And the King has given him special permission to choose who he wants to command the entire First Army."

"Wow, I had no idea."

"If you were still there, it would probably have been you that he chose. Commander Oreli, leader of the First Army. Sounds nice."

"Yeah...but not a possibility anymore is it?"

I turned back forward, trying not to show my disappointment. If nothing had happened on that skiff, my life would've been different, but that difference would be something that I would be ok with.

But it was gone, and there was no reason to dwell on it, and instead diverted attention to Mal and Alina's time spent tracking the stag.

However, anytime I asked, they always seemed to find a way to bring the conversation back to me. I didn't press them. I knew that their unit had crossed the border into Fjerda. I suspected that they'd had to fight their way out and that was where Mal had acquired the scar on his jaw, but both refused to say more.

The silence between us hadn't come back at anytime, and I found myself beginning to wish that we could just walk on forever. Walk to the end of the Earth and then walk back, and do it all over again.

As much as I longed for a hot meal and a warm bed, I was more afraid of what was coming after this journey. What if the stag was found, would I be able to kill a magical creature? What would I do after? How might an amplifier that powerful change me? Would it be enough to free us from the Darkling?

If only we all could stay this way, walking side by side, sleeping beneath the stars. Maybe these empty plains and quiet groves could protect us and let us live our lives away from the men chasing us.