Her Balance | Nikolai x Reader x Darkling

~ Chapter 24 ~

Hi!

Let's get into it.

First Person - Y/n

I picked at my dinner and then lay down on my cot again, turning over the things that had happened before. 

I was engaged to the Darkling. His ring was on my finger, and I was back to wearing his colors. 

And yet, I felt nothing. No guilt, no sadness, no anger, it was how I felt back when I was at the Little Palace. Right in the midst of when I had unlocked the light, Botkin's training was good, I had morning practices with him. 

Back when I was happy in a world of lies. 

My thoughts then turned to Genya. 

Genya had spent nearly her entire life locked away in Os Alta, existing between the world of the Grisha and the intrigues of the court. The Darkling had put her in that position for his own gain, and now he had raised her out of it. 

She would never again have to bend to the whim of the King and Queen or wear a servant's colors. 

The King and Queen. Then my thoughts turned into anger. All of this was their fault and their incapability to rule a country. 

Nothing they did was beneficial for Ravka, and only ever hurt it more. It was the thoughts about them that made me more comfortable with the Darkling's ring. His colors. His ideas. 

Just as I was about to get up, Ivan arrived at the entrance to my tent.

"Come on," he said. "He wants to see you."

My stomach twisted nervously, but I got up and followed him. As soon as we stepped out of the tent, we were surrounded by guards who escorted us the short distance to the Darkling's quarters.

When they saw Ivan, the oprichniki at the entryway stepped aside. Ivan nodded toward the tent.

"Go on," he said with a smirk. I desperately wanted to smack that knowing look right off his face. Instead, I lifted my chin and strode past him.

The heavy silks slid closed behind me, and I took a few steps forward, saw the fire crackling at the extravagant tent's center. High above it, a flap in the roof of the tent allowed the smoke to escape and showed a patch of the night sky.

The Darkling sat in a large chair, staring into the fire, a glass in his hand and a bottle of kvas on the table beside him.

Without looking at me, he gestured to the chair across from him. I walked over to the fire, and after hesitation sat down across from him. 

"You're wearing the ring," he said staring at my hand, "so I'm guessing you have something to say?"

"You're right," I said looking at the fire, "the King and Queen don't deserve to rule this country, and all they've done is hurt it."

The Darkling didn't completely look at me, but he turned ever so slightly to show that he was intrigued. He wanted to know what I was going to say, for better or for worse.

"You said we could find balance, so let us find the balance," I continued, "when you expand the Fold, to tell our enemies to stand down, I don't want innocent lives to die."

"Y/n, collateral damage-"

"Is not acceptable," I said before he could finish, "if you think that collateral damage is a necessity, then I am telling you now, I will never stand by you."

"And if I agree with you?" he replied slowly. "If I say collateral damage won't exist, then what?"

"Then...well, I'll stand with you," I replied honestly, "I didn't put this ring on just because I wanted to be your equal. I put it on because if I'm being honest...I fell in love with you too, and if you are willing to find the balance, I am as well."