i wake up to the faint sound of beeping. my eyes wearily open and i see my sister.
josh: what happened? *groans
liv: you were in a car accident josh
josh: oh- wait what about brooke?! where's brooke?!?!
i sit up and don't see her. liv tells me everything's okay.
liv: calm down. calm down. they took her to the children's hospital
josh: i- is she okay? i- i need to see her
liv: i'm not sure yet but you have to stay here. you have a broken leg. that's all. you got lucky
josh: let me see brooke
liv: you can't
josh: let me see her!!! she's probably scared!!!
liv: josh you can't go!!! and mom and carmen are with her!
josh: j- j- just let me see her liv *crying
she doesn't do anything. but then she grabs my phone and calls someone before handing me it. she had facetimed my mom.
michelle: how are you feeling jo-
josh: h- how's brooke?
michelle: we're um- we're waiting on test results. she's gonna be okay-
josh: i need to see her mom! *crying
michelle: hunny i'll call you back when we know something. i promise
i put my head back while crying, and my mom hangs up.
josh: i- i need to see her liv. i need to!
liv: i'm sorry. but in the meantime i'm gonna go to the cafeteria. want anything?
josh: i wanna fucking see my daughter!!
the doctor comes in.
doctor: i'm sorry. you have to stay here. i promise you that she's getting the best treatment possible
josh: but i need to see her!!!!
apparently they gave me benadryl then to calm me down and make me drowsy.
•••
2 days of being on benadryl and sleep medicine, they finally let me leave. i'm on crutches though. the first thing i wanna do is go see my little girl. liv drives me to the children's hospital and we head in.
•••
josh: brooklyn!
my heart breaks when i see her lying there hooked up to a bunch of machines, and not awake. i make my way to the chair next to the bed and sit down, crying.
josh: i- i'm so sorry brookie. th- this is all my fault. i- i should've been more strict and made you stay home. but i felt bad s- so i gave in and now your hurt
a doctor comes in.
josh: sh- she's gonna be okay r- right???
doctor: are you her father?
i nod and sniffle.
doctor: brooklyn broke her neck. it's low enough, that it could affect her spine and possibly paralyze her from the neck down
my eyes water even more.
josh: s- she's just a kid! she can't be paralyzed
doctor: and she may not be. we won't know until she wakes up
josh: a- and when is that??
doctor: we are not sure. it could be in minutes or even as long as months. maybe longer
this is all my fucking fault!!!!!! she could be safe in her bed right now but i just had to fucking give in!!!! FUCK!!!!!!
•••
i haven't left her side since i got here and i don't plan on it. suddenly she starts twitching (seizing).
josh: HELPPPP!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP!!!!
bunches of doctors run in and i grab brooklyn's hand.
josh: daddy's here baby. i- i'm right here. i love you b- brookie
multiple doctors rush her out of the room leaving me in there crying and alone. this is the most i've needed katelyn in a long time. i need her to reassure me that everything's gonna be okay.
but guess what josh?! katelyn fucking left you!!!
i cant lose brooke. i just can't. she means everything to me. she's my entire world. i would go to the moon in back for her. hell- i'd go farther. i cannot lose her too.
•••••••••••••••••••
