it's jordan connors birthday. i haven't visited his grave once since kate left. i used to go with her but since then i haven't. i'm thinking today i want to. brooke is starting to understand about the stuff with kate. i also just think that it's time we go. i feel bad for not going for so long.
josh: brooke
i sit on her bed while she's playing on her ipad.
brooke: hi
josh: i was thinking. today's your grandpas birthday. not my dad, but your moms. i told you he passed away a long time ago. today's his birthday and i wanna go to the cemetery.
brooke: okay
we get ready and head over to the store to purchase some flowers.
•••
we're standing at the grave after laying the flowers on it.
josh: happy birthday mr conno- jordan. i'm taking care of the company
i have brooks sit on the ground and talk to the stone as if jordan can hear us. maybe he can. she's telling him about school and stuff she likes to do when i hear something. i look back and can't believe my fucking eyes. there stands katelyn with a worried look on her face. my jaw practically drops and i feel tons of emotions swell up inside of me, making me unclear of my feelings.
katelyn: h- hello
she looks the exact same as she did last i saw her. those light blue eyes and wavy brown hair flowing in the breeze. god she looks gorgeous. but i also wanna cry and also yell at her. i whisper to brooke.
josh: i'll be right back
i kiss her head and walk towards katelyn.
josh: what are you doing here
katelyn: i come every year on his birthday
josh: then how come you've never came to see me?
katelyn: i- i just couldn't josh. im sorry. i didn't even think you'd be here. i was gonna put flowers on his grave and then leave. i don't wanna bother you
josh: well it kinda bothered me when you left 6 years ago
katelyn: im sorry-
josh: don't even fucking say that because if you were sorry you would have been back years ago or never have even left
katelyn: j-
josh: you don't even know our daughter!
katelyn: what's her name?
she looks down.
josh: why should i tell you?
katelyn: josh please. i- i just wanna know her name
josh: brooklyn.
i turn to brooke.
josh; let's go brooke. we're leaving
brooke: but daddy-
josh: now
she sighs and comes over so i'll pick her up. i do, and brooke looks at katelyn.
brooke: who is-
she takes a moment to look at katelyn and then whispers.
brooke: is that mommy?
josh: we're leaving
katelyn looks at me sadly and i walk Away with brooke in her arms.
•••
i haven't really spoken a word all day since we left. i've just been laying in my bed letting my thoughts take over. tears are pouring onto my pillow because honestly i'm not sure how to react to seeing her. there's a knock on my bedroom door before it opens.
amelie: how are you doing?
josh: she- she's back
she lays next to me.
amelie: i know j.how are you taking it?
josh: i wanna punch a fucking wall. b- but i cant step c- crying.
she frowns.
josh: i- i hate her. but i- i want her back too
amelie: what about jess?
shit i forgot about her. i pull the ring from my nightstand and amelies face widens.
amelie: wow. you were gonna propose?
i nod.
amelie; oh josh...
she hugs me tightly. i hear the doorbell ring. a moment later she steps in.
amelie: katelyn
katelyn: amelie
i can tell how upset amelie is. she leaves the room though.
josh: why the he'll are you in my house?
i quickly shove the ring into my pocket
katelyn: it was my house if you don't remember
she's trying to be funny but i'm pissed. i quickly wipe my tears after realizing i was still crying.
josh: ya well when you left you gave me the deed and it's under my name.
katelyn: ok ok sorry i was just trying to lighten the mood. look, i'm thinking about moving back now that i've come here. i could get to know brooklyn-
josh: you left her once. you'll just do it again. stay away from my daughter
katelyn: she's my daughter too-
josh: well your not much of a mother now are you?
katelyn: josh i couldn't stay-
i watch as she tears up but it just makes me even more mad.
josh: you don't have the right to cry. you were gone for SIX FUCKING YEARS! you didn't even know our daughter's name! god dammit katelyn! you left me alone with our child! my mom had to teach me how to raise her!!!
that shut her up. brooke comes into the room and i pick her up.
josh: just leave kate. please.
she looks up at me with those big beautiful eyes before turning out of my room and leaving.
brooke: daddy why were you being mean to mommy?
josh: it's nothing brookie. just- go play in your room
i set her down and she hesitantly runs off. i curl back up in my bed to go back to thinking.
••••••••••••••••••••
