katelyns pov~
after josh kicked me out, i sat on the porch of his house crying. i just wanna get to know our daughter. but josh has no reason to forgive me. i understand that i left them and that he's pissed. i just really wish he wasn't. everyday i was gone i would imagine kissing him or hugging him or at least somehting. i was hoping that if i were to ever come back, we could be together. but i know we can't. i saw josh holding a diamond ring before i walked in. he's in love with someone else.
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i couldn't sit on his porch steps forever, so i burred to a hotel and got a room.
i cannot believe that i really left josh and brooke. it must be so hard for brooke growing up without a mom. i would know. i've beaten myself up everyday over leaving them. i loved josh more than anything in the world. and i do love brooke. i just wanna be in her life. i truly get that it was 100% my fault that i left and that josh hates me. i don't know how i can make this up to him. not even sure if i can. but i wanna be in brookes life now so i've gotta try.
when i saw josh at the cemetery today i remembered how much i really do love him and how hard it was to leave. i thought that maybe he still shares the same love for me. well- i was hoping that. while i was gone, there wasn't a day that i didn't think about him.
for those 6 years, i lived in a decent sized house in tampa bay. that way i was still in florida, but far enough that i'd never run into josh or anyone. during all my time there i never ever met someone that could make me feel the way i feel about josh. he will always have a special place in my heart that no one can fill. he was my first everything. most importantly my first love. and i'm pretty sure he's gonna be my only love too. i tried moving on but i couldn't. so many times i wanted to just come back. but i knew things would be like this. he'd be mad. which he has every right to be.
but i'm not gonna give up. i'm gonna keep trying to get him to let me see our daughter.
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