it's friday. the day i've been waiting for all week. right now i'm having dinner at my parents. jess doesn't get off work til 7:30 today, so she won't be over til closer to 9. it's only around 6 right now.
will: why is brooke staying here tonight?
my eyes go a bit wide because i don't wanna answer this.
josh: uhh my friend is sleeping over brooke: his giwfriend josh: enough brooke *laughs michelle: ahh so you've finally got a girlfriend? i'm glad. your finally moving on liv: took him long enough michelle: olivia stop.
brooke climbs off her chair to sit in my lap, opening her mouth just for me to feed her.
•••
brooke and i are laying in my old bed here. she's watching cocomelon in just her diaper while laying on my bare chest.
josh: brookie tonight your gonna stay here brooke: you too? josh: no i'm gonna go home. but i'll get you tomorrow morning brooke: why? josh: i'm hanging out with stellas mommy tonight brooke: why? josh; because we want to
i laugh a bit and brooke sits up to look at me. her eyes are all watery again.
josh: hey hey don't cry. it's alright. you get to stay up late and play with grammy pappap will and liv
that didn't stop her from crying.
josh: why are you crying? brooke: s- stay daddy josh: i can't. i'm sorry. why are you crying princess? brooke: c- carmen says my m- mommy weft and not come back. a- are you gonna weave me too?
shit. shit. shit. shit. i don't wanna explain this to her. she sniffles. i reposition her on my chest and pause the tv.
josh: brooklyn your mommy loves us very much. when you were born, she had to leave. she didn't wanna leave you without a mom, but she had to. it's not a very good excuse, but i get it. everyday i hope that maybe she'll come back and meet you. i know that she probably misses us a lot. she does love you. but just because she left, doesn't mean i'm gonna leave you and not come back. im always gonna be here for you. just some nights we may not be together. but i promise that i'll always come back.
she sniffles and hugs me. she probably didn't understand some of it because she has a very short vocabulary that she knows, but i hope she got the point.
josh: i'm always gonna come back to you munchkin brooke: w- what's my m- mommy look like?
i smile.
josh: you look just like her
i pull up a photo album off my shelf with tons of pictures of me and katelyn in it. i put brooke so she's leaning back on my chest, and she can see the book. i open it and point to the first picture.
josh: that's her. she is very beautiful just like you are brooke: is that you?
it was our prom picture that she pointed to.
josh: ya that's me *smiles
while looking through the giant photo album, i realize that this is so much more important than sex. i pull out my phone. ____________________________________
jess _______
josh hey i know that we were really looking forward to tonight but brooke just asked me about her mom. i need to stay here with her. maybe another night?
jess of course. that's a huge thing for her to understand. i get it. ❤️ ____________________________________
for hours and hours brooke and i lay there looking through picture albums, and me telling her about katelyn.
brooke: who's that?
it's jordan connor.
josh: that's your mommy's dad. he had died a long time before you were born. that's part of the reason your mommy was so upset and left.
we continue to look until we stumble across another memorable picture of me and katelyn. it was the night that the girls had snuck all of us guys into addisons and the night i kissed kate for the first time.
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i remember how funny kate thought it was that i sneezed during our picture.
•••
brooke is now sleeping on me, curled up in a ball under her blanket. since she's a heavy sleeper, i decided to turn on NCIS and put the volume very low. i haven't been able to watch this show since kate left because we'd always watch together. now that brooke sorta understands about her mom, i feel as if a weight has been lifted off me and i'm able to think about stuff with katelyn without getting upset.
