you'll find me here forever ➳ kol mikaelson [ the vampire diaries ]

☆ 1.14 ~ train wreck

unbreak the broken unsay these spoken words
find hope in the hopeless
pull me out of the train wreck
~ james arthur, train wreck

Lydia sat with her feet planted firmly against the floor, looking out the window and watching the rain drops fall down the glass. Lydia usually loved the rain and she still did, unfortunately, it wasn't just rain today but lightning and thunder as well. Lydia wasn't scared of either, she just wasn't a fan of bright flashes and loud, sudden noises. She never was. Lately, she had been a bit more jumpy than usual. Typically, during storms Lydia would stay inside her room, under her covers while watching a movie or reading a book. Today, she was doing something different. She was back at her therapy session since she felt like she needed it.

It had been exactly a week since Lydia told Kol she didn't want to see him anymore and so far, it was proving difficult. She missed him more than she thought she would. She should've known she would miss him dearly when she made that call. She knew that he was the only person she felt safe with, the only person she wanted to be with. Her fears destroyed that for her. That was why she had made an extra therapy session that week, needing to talk about her problems with someone who wouldn't judge her.

"So that's why you told him you couldn't see him anymore?" Georgia checked for clarification after Lydia told her about what happened."Because you were afraid to face your feelings?"

Lydia shook her head quickly, not wanting Georgia to get the wrong impression about what was going on."No. I'm not afraid of my feelings. I'm afraid of how I act on those feelings."

"Care to elaborate on what you mean by that?" Georgia asked calmly, causing Lydia to inhale sharply. Lydia knew how this worked. If she wanted help, she had to talk. She knew that. Knowing didn't make it any easier.

"I don't trust myself to trust people," Lydia admitted."I put my trust in the wrong people. I did it with Jace, I trusted my siblings so many times and was proven wrong, I don't want Kol to be another situation where I get hurt because I failed to realize a warning sign."

"And have you seen any warning signs?" Georgia wondered.

"No," Lydia shook her head."Not yet. That's the issue. I didn't see any warning signs until it was too late with Jace and then I ignored them, what if Kol just hasn't given any yet and if I ignored them again because I thought he could change?"

"Unfortunately, Lydia, you are looking for something that is out of your hands," Georgia spoke after a moment."That is the thing about relationships, you put your trust in someone and hope that they don't take advantage of it. You can be with someone for three hundred and sixty five days and on the sixty sixty, they surprise you."

Lydia furrowed her eyebrows, her lips parting slightly while she stared at her therapist in shock."Is that meant to help me!?"

"Yes, because there is something you can do that is in your control and you are already doing it," Georgia advised."You know what to look for, you know how you should be treated and how you shouldn't and from what you've told me, Kol treats you pretty well. Your fear is that he's treating you just fine now and later down the road, something bad is going to happen. So what's the plan? Do you plan on staying single forever?"