you'll find me here forever ➳ kol mikaelson [ the vampire diaries ]

☆ 5.11 ~ long long way

trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts

long, long way to the top
long way down, if you fall
it's a long way back if you get lost
long way out to the end
long way to go to lose your friends
~ damien rice, long long way

Lydia fiddled with her fingers nervously, leaning against the cement railing to the balcony, looking over the city lights as the warm breeze brushed against her skin. She breathed in and out deeply, biting down on her bottom lip. She nearly jumped when she felt a hand trace against her shoulder, but once she realized it was only Kol, she relaxed.

"Are you alright, Angel?" Kol wondered, his voice soft and low."You have been tense all evening."

"It's nothing," Lydia told him. She thought about telling Kol earlier when it happened, but she didn't want him to feel like he was someone for her to unload all her troubles onto. She just wasn't good enough at hiding her emotions for him not to figure it out.

"If there is an it, then there is something that is troubling you," Kol responded as Lydia turned to face Kol, her back against the railing and she came face to face with Kol, trapped between him and the cement. Normally, she would have been a bit uncomfortable in this position, but she had gotten used to being closer to Kol. Both physically and emotionally.

"I promise that it's nothing big, I just got a message from Jeremy," Lydia answered and that was enough for Kol to know why Lydia was upset."Elena told him that I was never sick, and he asked me about it."

"Have you told them that you're psychic yet?" He inquired, wrapping his arms around Lydia's waist. He didn't like her leaning against a balcony like that, even if it was sturdy.

Lydia shook her head, brushing the hair out of her eyes when the wind blows."I don't know if I entirely trust them yet. Well, I know that I don't trust them, but I don't know if I believe Elena when she says that she didn't know."

"In no way do I wish to jump to the defence of your siblings," Kol began."But they were just children when you were diagnosed. I was there in the hospital when you. . . Elena should consider a career in acting if that was a manufactured response."

Lydia nodded her head slowly, wanting to share her thoughts with Kol."I know deep down that they weren't involved. Like you said, they were children, but they also lied to me for the last few years and ignored me and made me think that I was crazy. Regardless of whether or not they knew what the compulsion was doing to me because I'm a psychic, they were still stealing my memories and lying to me. Just like my parents lied to me from the day that I was born. You know, when I was young, there was some rumour that my dad wasn't really my dad and that my mom cheated or whatever, I asked them about it, they lied and told me that kids were just messing around, and everyone in the town knew me as the girl that was dying, I had no friends except for Rae, I could tell that there was something different in the way Grayson and Miranda treated me when they would've found out what I was. I can create a mile long list of things I wasn't allowed to do because I was sick. They just basically destroyed my childhood and my desire to live and sometimes it just gets too much and I just want to rid of it and leave it all behind."