you'll find me here forever ➳ kol mikaelson [ the vampire diaries ]

☆ 5.14 ~ sad forever

lately, i've been in the backseat to my own life
trying to take control, but i don't know how to
i don't wanna be sad forever i don't wanna be sad no more
~ lauv, sad forever

question of the chapter: who do you think killed jace?

Lydia stared out of the window, watching the blur of the dark green trees go buy. Lydia was never afraid of forests. She was always easily spooked. She was terrified of the dark and what might lurk in it, but in the forest, it was different. Lydia learned young that her biggest fears were people, the ones she surrounded herself with. Out in the forest, it was just her. She felt like she could disappear. It was the only place where she could focus on her thoughts.

Being a psychic was overwhelming. Her mind didn't operate normally. She always felt like she was in overdrive. Everything was heightened. Lydia learned how to adapt to it, but she could feel what everyone was feeling, hear their thoughts if she tried. It could drown out her own thoughts. Sometimes she swore there was so much going on in her mind that she felt like it might crack. When she was out in the woods, away from people, she was free from all the noise. Alone.

Part of Lydia wanted to do it. She wanted to stop the car and disappear into the trees or some place that was quiet. Stay there until everything got better. But Lydia knew that nothing would get better unless she got help.

So, Lydia turned back to face the road ahead. They were the only car travelling in that direction. Lydia wasn't surprised. She didn't think that the place they were going would get many visitors. It made sense for it to be hidden away from the rest of the world. Just like she needed to be.

"Why didn't you tell Miranda and Grayson about this place?" Lydia wondered, glancing at Adrianna.

"You were just a child then," She answered honestly."They wouldn't have taken you. No one is here who doesn't want to be here. You can leave any time you want."

Lydia nodded her head, but she didn't respond. She was reminded of all her first days of school. She hated being dropped off for the first time. It was always a sign that things were changing. She was getting older, school was getting harder, and she was being handed more responsibilities. And with the lies that she had been told, she knew that she was much more closer to death with every years. Years later, nothing changed. Though Lydia thought she did have much more of a reason to be worried now considering she wasn't going to a place where all she had to do was solve equations and read textbooks and she wasn't dying. Even though she felt like she was.

"Did you tell anyone that you're coming here?" Adrianna asked her.

"No, um, not yet," Lydia admitted. She was going to, once she figured out what she really wanted. She needed to decide this on her own, without the judgment of her friends."I love my friends but they think they're the only ones who can help me with anything and that I can't do anything for myself."