Disruption. | Bucky Barnes

Chapter 43

My assumption feels more correct the more the week goes on, although Bucky is as caring as ever, there's something missing.

When he kisses me, he stops smiling against my lips.

If I do something that before he would think is funny or cute, he simply looks at me and it's as though he's forcing a smile or amusement.

We sleep together every night, and nothing sexual happens, but we end up holding each other tightly as we fall asleep, and it's when I breathe in and smell his cologne as my face is pressed to his chest, that I feel the saddest over the whole situation.

I wake early for a Saturday, but this is no typical Saturday, it's two weeks since I got home, and my father is throwing me a party for all our friends and family to see me, no matter how much I object.

Bucky's spot is empty beside me and I shower and wander off to find him.

Pepper bumps into me as I'm walking down the hall, her head in her phone, obviously it's been actually my lovely step mother that's done all the actual planning and preparation for the party.

"I'm sorry! Morgan's got a friends birthday party this morning before yours and she's run off god knows where!" It's evident in her voice she's exhausted.

"I'll help look for her. I'm just actually in search of Bucky" I laugh awkwardly and she gives me a sympathetic look, "are you guys getting along better?"

I've not mentioned to anyone that there seems to be some conflict between us, but Pepper sees more than most people do in this place.

"He's not my Bucky anymore." I feel my nose sting, tears well in my eyes, my chest feels heavy and she pulls me into a hug.

It's hard not to cry, but everything has been so extremely overwhelming that when Pepper embraces me I can't help but break down in her arms.

She strokes my hair and sits us down in her office which she'd just left.

I spill everything to her, every thought in my mind, from Bucky to my mother, to being home to feeling content being here finally, and she listens, to every word, she breathes through every sob beside me and holds my hand.

Morgan runs in the room and I hide my heartbreak from my little sister by quickly wiping my tears from my face. She doesn't seem to visibly notice that I'm upset, but as her mother encourages her to get her coat ready for her party, she puts her small hand on my cheek and pushes her little nose against mine, giving me a small smile before running off out the room.

I look at Pepper with much happier, warmer tears and she seems to have some of her own after watching the exchange between her own daughter and myself.

"I better find Bucky." I stand up and take a deep breath, "thank you!" I say as Pepper squeezes my hand and gives me an encouraging nod.

It takes me a while to find him, but when I finally do, Bucky is sparring with Steve, Sam and Natasha in the gym.

As I walk in the room only Nat notices me enter and sit on a pile of mats by the door.

For a while I watch the back and forth between the four of them, Sam definitely does better with his wings, but he's still a good match for Bucky, who is sly and cunning in his moves, and Nat is fast and small so she slips through Steve's arms easily, but his strength works in his favour, and his large size doesn't restrict him in any way.

Steve calls time on their training and Bucky seems surprised to see me only momentarily before allowing himself to smile and walk over to me.

"Can we talk?" I ask him bravely despite every bone in my body feeling like it's shaking with fear.