Crystal Snow | Taejin ✓

47. Never Stays The Same

Six months later.

Seokjin's P.O.V.

I'm glad that we are given this privilege to use a more homey room than that one I have gone to when I visited before. This room is just like a real living room, the curtains draped on the big windows have relaxing colors, the corners have green plants, adding to the vibrant ambiance of the room, and the sofa is really a comfy one.

We don't even feel like we are in a psychiatric hospital. I guess our joint money has been really put into good use after all. Yoongi has totally lost it after everything that happened, that they can't keep him in jail anymore as he tried to kill himself thrice within just two days. Hence, Taehyung and I agreed for him to be treated here.

It is Soobin's first time to visit his dad again after six months of Yoongi's confinement here. And I agreed to Yoongi's doctor that Soobin can come visit, only if he doesn't see his dad in a situation where he would see him as a mentally-illed person. So we arranged that we do their meeting in a more organized room.

Being away from his dad is already too much for Soobin. And him knowing that we won't be living with his father anymore has been difficult for him to take. Taehyung even got him a child psychologist just to make sure he copes up well with the changes in our lives. Therefore, I don't want him to see that his dad has lost his mind after everything that took place.

My divorce with Yoongi has already been finalized a couple of months ago. It has been easier as one of my grounds, aside from my claim of his domestic abuse, is him being mentally incapacitated and not able to carry on with his marital obligations.

One of Yoongi's findings is him having an obsessive love disorder. His love for me turned into an excessive obsession already that he became a lot protective and controlling as if I am his possession. They said that this is something that can't be cured but its symptoms may be taken under control by giving him some intensive treatments.

He was also diagnosed with schizophrenia causing his aggressive and violent mind. However, him being abusive of me wasn't something that they want to associate with his mental disorder. According to them, domestic abuse is a behavior and not a symptom of a mental illness. Hence, him hurting me was something he chose to do at the time. Not something that he has no control over.

Taehyung also encouraged me to undergo advice and therapy too. He was concerned of me going through post-traumatic stress disorder after everything I've been thru in my marriage. I felt like I was okay but I know Tae always care for my well-being so I did it.

I had regular sessions for two months. And me who thought I was okay, didn't realize that something was also wrong with me.

My doctor said getting out of my marriage with Yoongi has been difficult because of the emotional abuse I've gone thru as well. I told her I only wanted to do what's best for my kids. But it turned out, partly was because I felt helpless, having some self-defeating thoughts and a warped self-perception.

I was so into believing that I am the worst, my self-worth has been diminished when I lost Taehyung. I felt like there was nowhere to run. Hence, I stayed with Yoongi and let him overpower and control me.

I am actually glad I went on with the treatment as Tae suggested, because now I have realized that I am even more than what I thought I was. And that I can only do what's best for my kids and love them fully only if I start loving myself.

I know a lot more out there is going thru what I have gone thru with my marriage. I hope they find help like I did with the people around me who love and support me in every way. And I have learned that I can only let them help me if I help myself first. Everything does start in ourselves, we just need a little push to get us started.