Crystal Snow | Taejin ✓

25. Turning Blurry

Two weeks later.

Seokjin's P.O.V.

I can't seem to relax since this morning knowing that the paternal test result is going to arrive today. It's making me anxious, even adding to my already preoccupied mind as Taehyung is still not awake.

Without Yoongi knowing, Jimin and I manage to see Taehyung almost everyday. The first day I saw him, it broke my heart into pieces. The last time I saw him was he was beside me, sleeping. Now he is in the same state, but never knowing when he's going to wake up.

But the following days that I visit him, I just casually talk to him. As if he's awake and can hear me. I don't want to cry anymore in front of him. I believe he'll wake up soon when he hears me happy around him.

Jimin and I go out every morning for an hour or so before I start my clinic. I'm thankful that Namjoon isn't complaining. He's been so supportive ever since, though I cannot reciprocate his feelings for me for a long time now, he never turned his back on me when I needed help.

Same goes for Jimin. I'm so lucky to have him by my side. He's like my middle man when it comes to updates about Tae. He's also been my fortress all this time, against all my worries and anxiety, against Yoongi and against all judgments I put on myself.

Yoongi, on the other hand, is surprisingly very considerate lately. I know he said he's trying to work on our marriage, but it just feels strange. It's like he's back to being that Yoongi in college that I fell for. He, however, lost it again when I asked him about Hoseok. I can't just let it go as I know Jimin wouldn't tell me such things if he doesn't see anything suspicious. He got so mad that time, saying I'm throwing back at him my wrong-doings. He didn't hit me though, which is again.. strange.

My pregnancy has gotten better. I don't get morning sickness anymore. I feel a bit lighter now, maybe because I get to see Taehyung often. I learned to stay on the positive side with all the support I'm receiving from my friends. I know one day, Tae will open his eyes to me, delighted and overjoyed that I'm carrying his child. Well, that one I still have to figure out in a few more minutes.

*******

I parked in my usual reserved slot in our dental hospital, eager to get into my office. Yoongi let me drive today and take Soobin to school as he has an early meeting with another producer. I'm glad as I need an extra room to breathe today.

I walked to the office but stopped by Clara, "Dr. Min, you have a mail delivered. Here."

It came early. I didn't expect it to be here already, so I took it and thank my secretary. I then asked her to call Jimin for me to come to my office. I can't open this result on my own. I need someone with me.

I know I shouldn't expect much that it's Taehyung's. But I am hopeful. And it gave me strength to carry on these past few days. So if the result says otherwise, I don't know how I will take it.

"Jinnie! It's early? Oh my goodness, did you take a peek already?" Jimin said as he goes inside and locked the door.

"No, I didn't. I was waiting for you." He walked towards me and held my hand. He smiled at me and we both took a deep breath before I open the brown envelope.

I read thru it, the results of the matching, description, explanations and the conclusion. I can't feel anything, I feel so numb. My tears wanted to fall, but they couldn't. A big force is keeping me from feeling any kind of emotion right now.

"Jin, what does it say?" Jimin whispered to me.

"Chim, it's Yoongi's.."

*******

My whole world just came crashing onto me once again. All the hopes of having a future with Taehyung came to a blur again. I cried hard at Jimin's arms. He also didn't know what to say to make me feel better. Damn! There is nothing that'll make me feel better right now.

I don't understand anymore what is it that life wanted for me. I just want to be happy. So I did things, maybe some reckless ones, selfish too if others would think of it. But they made me happy. I always thought suffering for quite a number of years in the hands of Yoongi will make up for it. That it'll make my selfishness more reasonable.

I never meant to hurt anyone. Again, all I know was I want to be happy. But I didn't expect that the road to happiness can be this rough and challenging. And along the way, I've hurt people, I made them suffer and sacrifice for me. This has to stop. I should stop being selfish. It didn't bring me happiness, neither the people around me.

******

After spending the day crying with Jimin and contemplating on my life, I went home, bought a Chinese takeaway for dinner, as I'm not in the mood to cook tonight.

As usual, Yoongi worked for a while in his studio while I tuck Soobin in. I'm thinking of breaking the news to Yoongi soon. There's no point in keeping it anymore. Why does it matter anyway? It won't change the fact that he's the father, and not Tae. I'm also not into abortion. I know I'm just a dentist but I'm still a doctor, for heaven's sake. Moreover, I can't lie about who's the father. I've done a lot of sins already, I don't want to add more.

I stepped out of the shower and saw that Yoongi is already in bed, with a whiskey in hand while browsing on his phone. I climbed to bed after removing my robe and snugged under the covers.

"Yoongi, can I tell you something?" Yoongi put down his phone and looked at me.

"But before that, can you please listen to me first before you get mad. Or please don't get mad at all. Coz I don't have much energy left to argue with you." I asked him.

It's true, I'm feeling really weak now. I know he will initially get mad, will accuse me of lying and won't believe that the baby is his. I don't want to deal with those. And I can't show him the paternity test result, he'll get more furious if he finds out I went that far.

He sighed, "Ok, Jin. I'll try. What is it?"

"I'm pregnant." He just looked at me and downed his glass of whiskey. He put it down on the side table.

"And? Tell me the best part. It's Taehyung's, am I fucking right Jin?!! I already have suspicions of you being pregnant. But I know you've been keeping it because it's not mine!! Now, tell me Jin!!"

I knew it. I know very well he'd think it's Taehyung's. How I wish it is. But it's not.

"I told you to listen to me first! No, Yoongi. It's yours. It's our baby. I've already conceived even before my flight. You can come with me to the OB if you'd like to confirm how long I've been pregnant. Now I don't have energy anymore to reason out, it's up to you if you'll believe it or not, but this is yours."

"It's our baby? We'll have another one? Really?! Oh my, Jin, honey.." He pulled me for an embrace and cried against my neck.

"Thank you, thank you, honey! I'm so happy right now. It's like we'll start a family again. I'll take care of you and our baby, I promise. I love you Jin. I love you so much!" Then he captured my lips for a passionate kiss.

I just cried in his kiss too. I can't put up a fight anymore. No, actually, I'm already defeated.

*******

'My, my, my
Turning blurry, this crystal snow
Oh this unhappy story
I'm sick of it already
Gonna change the course
Of our destiny.'

~Crystal Snow

*******

I didn't want to go to a lot of scenes with Taehyung asleep. So we'll get to him sometime soon.

Thoughts lovey's?

Borahae 💜

~Author-nim 😊