Summer

Love

Warning: This chapter contains sensitive topics

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All I ever wanted was love, but instead what I was shown was how to destroy someone with a simple action. So I took what I learned and used it to crawl into spaces where I could bury myself deep enough so someone could love me. But it never worked. All that I ever got was admiration from those who never even knew me. Or betrayed by those I trusted the most. That was how it always was.

I wanted love from the people who supposed to give it unconditionally. I had begged and pleaded with them before I realized it just wasn't possible. They could never give me what I wanted. Not when they didn't love themselves. So I gave up and began to play the part they needed to. I became Summer the perfect daughter who did whatever was asked. Even if it was something I was never supposed to do. Like going with my mom to help pick up her illegal drugs.

I always knew she was a bit different than other Mom's. But it wasn't just because of the drugs or drinking, but simply because she didn't care. I had seen other kids with their parents at events and I just knew mine weren't what they were supposed to be. They never bothered to show up for anything and I never asked. I always knew better.

Her habit started out small. Just pills now and then, always sending me off to fetch her another drink. I covered for her with everyone. Oh no, she's just tired. No she was up late last night, she can't come down right now. Every excuse from the book spilled out of my mouth and I was content with keeping my mother happy. That was all I ever wanted.

Until it started to become something else.

I don't even remember when it became what it was. Suddenly she slipped into something and I had to hide the daily needles, before my father saw. I didn't want him to stumble onto her because I didn't know what he'd do. I was trying to do everything I could so that she could still be happy. I would have done anything for her.

But something about watching her eyes glaze over scared me. Seeing her body go limp as she faded away, was almost enough to make me stop giving her what she wanted. But then she'd tell me I was a good girl and my eyes would fill with tears instantly. I just wanted her to want me the way I had begged since I was old enough to talk. If this was the way to go, then I'd gladly give her what she wanted.

I remember that was beautiful, with magnetic green eyes like mine and soft buttery hair that fell in perfect waves. That she could capture and entrance nearly everyone with her beauty just by walking in a room. It was what my father hated the most about her. That she could slip into the arms of another and make them promise her everything, just with barely one touch.

That was until her eyes turned dull and her hair started to turn limp, hissing at everyone with nearly acquired fangs. Everyone knew to stay away, except me. I rememered sitting in the car as I watched her get down on her knees. Her jewelry being slipped into my hand as she ushered me inside the pawn shop. Anything she found of value was being sold so she could avoid telling my father. He didn't care about much, but you didn't fuck with his money.

I loved her so much. Even if she never truly loved me, I would have protected her with everything I had. That was I stayed up late cleaning up her vomit and tucking her into bed. I had to make sure she was safe and clean.

I knew that she was slowly falling apart. Sleeping through the day was one thing, but staying up for days on end was another. I'd watch her bounce around outside after school. Biting her nails and shivering because of small she was. She was so tiny, I could feel her shrinking in front of my eyes. Bare feet pacing back and forth in the grass as she talked to herself. I could have touched her then and my hand would have gone right through.