Breaking Free (Story One) *Unedited*

Chapter Forty Four

Reaching the apartment complex I am confused. "Why are we here?"

"You asked for a place I hadn't yet taken you my apartment is the only place you have yet to see."

Nodding my head, "Is it safe to be here?"

"You're always safe with me."

"That isn't what I meant I was wondering-"

Cutting me off he gets out the car and opening my door unlocking my seatbelt, "I know sweetheart and to answer your question yes it's safe for us to be here." Grabbing his hand I let him help me out. 

"I won't lie I have always been curious about your apartment here."

"It's not the greatest but I never take anyone here."

"Really, will I am honored." Getting into the elevator he and I reach the top floor. Going past a few other doors. Standing in front of his door I am nervous what is it going to look like. No one besides him has ever been here. What is so special about this place?

Smiling at me, "Let's go." Walking into his apartment he turns on the lights and I am instantly in love with the decor. "Did you decorate this yourself?" I ask him in awe of the dark earth tones, the comfortable plush couches and chairs, all of the space he has and how rustic it looked.

"No I had Eleanor help with it all actually. She picked out some things and added some things from when I was a kid."

"She did a great job Caden this is beautiful." picking up a picture frame I trace my fingers over the little boy looking back at me with his mischievous smile, "look at how adorable you are." 

"I'm adorable now." he jokes. 

"You're handsome." I tell him. 

"You're beautiful." 

Sucking my lips in I look down at the hardwood floor not saying anything to him for a few seconds, "Hey umm it's ummm it's getting late so why don't we get ready for bed?"

Starring at me he places his hands on each side of my face bringing my eyes to his, "You know one day you're going to believe me." 

Ignoring him, "Where is your bathroom?" 

"It's right across from my bedroom." 

"Okay." going into the bathroom I find the towels, lotion, body wash, and toothpaste. Using the bathroom I see that Aunt Flo has come to visit. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Calm down its light so a makeshift pad is going to have to do after the shower. Starting the shower everything is going to be okay I try and tell myself. After doing all that I head towards Caden's room borrowing boxers as well as a large t shirt from his wardrobe. Placing the clothes onto his bed I see a mirror in the far corner of his bedroom. Slowly walking towards it I stare at myself seeing all the wrong things about me the words from the weird guy came to mind instantly and I felt awful all over again. 

"When you look in the mirror what do you see?" Caden asks coming up behind me as I was stuck in front of his mirror by all the horror I saw. Thick fat thighs, a pudgy and bloated belly, stretch marks every where, some pimples from my pms, and a jagged scar on my forearm from rough housing with my cousins. Everything Lorenzo and any other guy said to me instantly came to the forefront.

 "You're friends way hotter. Why can't you be like her?" 

"I was only friends with you to get at Maria."

"Do you think Ginger will still date me even though I only dated you to get to know her better?"

"Do you think I could get Ginger or Maria's number." 

The worst memory of all came up. 

I was in middle school and the hottest guys name was Q he was so hot and we had gym with me. Well one day he was sitting on the bleachers and was watching me while bitting his lower lip in a sensational way. I told these girls in my class who I thought were my friends what I saw.  Later at lunch they had asked him. " Hey our friend over there thinks you like her do you."

"Who?""Her right there in the white jacket." "Man HELL NAW." 

Tears instantly stung the back my eyes and clogged my throat. Closing my eyes my breath was shaky, "I really don't want to play the mirror game." Pressing the back of my hand to stop the trembling of my lips. Why was I here in this bedoom with this guy? Who the fuck do I think I am  what am I doing here? Lorenzos words from the party before choose that moment to chime in as well. "His only using you to get to them like everyone has before. Have you never seen the movie the Duff? You're ending won't be the same you won't get the guy." His dark chuckle penetrating the words he spewed at me, "Don't you get it! That's what you are and what you'll always be?" 

Pushing past Caden I ran out of his bedroom and into his bathroom. Closing and locking the door I cried my heart out. Ignoring his banging on the door and instances of letting him in. He broke the door rushing in he gathered my now towel clad body next to his fully dressed one. Rocking me back and forth he tried to understand and calm me down. Relaxing into his arms I finally came to stopping point in my meltdown. What are you doing Jade? You can't let them win you can't let them in. Trying to grasp on the affirmations I taught myself with shaky breaths I shot up and tried to detangle  myself from him. The key word is tried since the man had arms of steel and wouldn't let me go.  "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on in that head of yours sweetheart." Huffing I opened my mouth as if I was going to speak. He relaxed his arms a little waiting that's when I bolted out. Running over to my clothes I ran back into his bedroom and quickly started getting dressed. I was numb inside and out I needed to get out of his cool ass secret apartment and life. I need to get  back to my apartment and life soon.  

Knocking on the door he twisted the knob, "Sweetheart don't make me break another door. Not that I mind I'd just replace it." With a heavy sigh as heavy thump at the door, " Please, just come out already the only way out is the front door and you're not getting past me to get there." I couldn't tell him he wouldn't understand. The constant rejection the relentless ridicule and constant disrespect and disregard of my feelings. He was right I had no where else to go and I know he wouldn't let me go unless I spoke. I didn't plan on sharing anything he'd know I was lying I'm not good at it. 

Getting nothing but silence form me I hear a thud, "Do you wanna know what I see when I look at you?" The tenderness of his voice caused more tears to well up. Oh god no, I thought I can't take it. "I see the most beautiful human being I've ever seen in my entire life, I see a kind hearted, loving, funny, sarcastic, knowledgeable, sexy, strong minded, strong willed, most thoughtful, respectful, caring, gentle, overly generous, genuine, fiercely protective, and humble woman." Sitting down on the edge of the bed  in front of the door I let the tears trickle down my face. "I see a woman who does everything to hide behind a rough exterior because she's been hurt. And I really wanna know who did it so I can hurt them back." That caused a soft smile to curve onto my face.  "I see a woman who will do anything for those that she loves, I see a woman with a fiery spirit that shines through even when she is unsure of herself, I see a woman who is easy on everyone yet hard on herself, and most importantly I see a woman who despite so many things against her perseveres through it all." 

Shocking me he opens the door on the last statement. He slowly comes in as if not trying to scare a wounded animal standing in front of me. Moving his hands he slowly places them on my face moving my locs out of my face, "I see a woman with the most beautiful brown eyes, curvy figure, wonderful full, plump lips, and above all else an imperfect yet perfect woman for me." Closing my eyes I grip his rough large hands with my own squeezing them as his words penetrate my mind. Kissing me on my forehead, nose, and then lips. Opening in my eyes all I saw was his black ones staring at me looking in to mine observing me as usual. Releasing his hands I reached for his shoulders pulling him into me for a bear hug. I gripped onto him and allowed myself to be held by his welcoming, comforting arms. Scooping me up he carried me to the top part of  his bed where he laid me down and snuggled with me right between my legs his head rested on my boobs arms gripped around my waist. Since I refused to let him go his heavy weight was comforting almost like a weighted blanket. My eyes fluttered for a few seconds as I stared at the ceiling fan move around and around luring me to sleep.