Bittersweet | GonKillu

Comfort x and x Control

"Hey Gon, hows your boyfriend?" Canary inquired to change the direction of the conversation, and I squeak in reply- BOYFRIEND?? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM-

"U-uh what-" I say quietly, my face heating up, what is she talking about? The only boy I want doesn't want me, so of course I'm single-

"Killua. You know, I know, we all know you have some sort of feelings for the dude. I've watched you guys for literally 5 years." She smiled teasingly and I burrow my brows and look away, "No no no- hes a friend and always will be a friend, I harbor no attraction to him and no romantic feelings towards him and never will because he doesnt need me to burden him and I would be betraying the one I love-" I say quickly, the words flowing out of my lips in a rushed mess of slurred speech, well that sounded wrong but it's all out now. Welp.

"Woah woah, slow down there- First of all, when did you sound like a rapper from the 1900's? And second of all, you already love someone else? Damn, well that's not what anyone would think. Well, atleast..." She trailed off, and her sudden drop of tone made me look up at her face. She had a look of pure concern and mortification on her face, staring at the front area of the bakery. With haste I follow her gaze and see... Killua?

His ivory hair was in a miserable mess, panic and tiredness stained his paler then normal face, and his eyes seemed like that of a petrified deer running from a wolf. My whole body froze at the last sight though, his beautiful sapphire eyes were sobbing; wait, Killua crying? What- what is happening-!? Time seemed to be frozen for me as my body was in a locked extrinsic state; my knees locked and stiff, fingers sprawled out in shock, eyes open wide in concern.

As soon as I could regain sense of my disposition, Killua ran hastily to the counter faster as I didnt know was possible and I quickly hopped the counter to the ground and immediately grabbed Killua in a bear hug and held him close and firm.

All I could hear is the cold gasps of pain and relief coming from out of his tired throat in a rasp, and the cold sweat and tears mixing togeather on my shoulder from him squeezing me back and he broke into a heart quenching sob that made my eyes start to water too. Canary seemed to get control of her body and she carefully escorted us out of site behind the counter to the closet and during that when thing I didnt let go of Killua. As the door shut quietly, Canary softly spoke, "... What happened..?" Killua didnt respond, he still was squeezing me tightly and wailing in the crack of my neck, and I rubbed small circles into his back, to sooth him.

"... Killua.. Killu... you ok..?" I say quietly, softly prying the crying boy from my shoulder to look at his soft cold and miserable face. He sniffed and wiped away his tears, his eyes bloodshot at this point and he avoided eye contact and just stared at my chest. I grimaced softly and looked at his sodden dull blue eyes, the certain sparkle I'm used to was... just not there. Only a empty shade of navy was left. I could feel his quick heartbeat as I put my hand gently on his neck. But he responded by flinching at the touch, and that made my heart shatter.

"... who hurt you? Was it your fucking brother?" I say more louder then I was, and he kept silent and went back to hugging on my chest. ".... I'll kill that bitch" I growl and the rage boiling in my blood made my hands twitch, nobody hurts my best friend. Nobody. I was about to detach Killua from me and stomp out of the closet, but Canary put her hand on my shoulder softly and I glanced at her soft face.

"... Gon. That doesnt matter now, all that matters is that we comfort him" She said quietly, to calm herself or me is unsure. I silently looked at her and then at Killuas head, who was still clinging to my chest and hiding his face in my shirt. ... He hasn't cried like this since his other sister Nanika died from leukemia. That was 2 years ago. He was worse since then, more tired and solemn. Even when I found him covered in bruises he didnt cry. He couldn't cry, for her. Illumi must have done something terrible for him to be in this state. I scowl to myself as I place my hands on Killuas thighs and pick him up, his legs clinged to my waist and I silently opened the door and carried him to my room upstairs. Canary quietly followed and I layed Killua down on my bed and got him off of me.

As soon as he detached, he looked up at my face with confusion, and I sat next to him and gently put my hand on his cheek, to that he flinched slightly. "... Hey Killu." I coo at him, shoving my rage deep down into my stomach to make my best friend feel safe. He quietly leaned into my hand and I used my other hand to pet his hair gently. "Shhh, your safe." I smile at him, as genuinely as I can make it at a time like this. He closed his eyes quietly and hesitantly put his hand up to mine which was on his cheek. ".... Gon.." he quietly managed to get out, and I looked into his solemn eyes, they softened at the sight of me. I smiled a bit more real as I saw how he melted into my affection. I pulled him into a gentle hug and layed down on the bed, he quietly snuggled my waist and I kissed his forehead to comfort him. He was to tired to get embarrassed, and after a few minutes he dozed off peacefully in my arms.

Canary approached us as quietly as she could and whispered to me, ".... You sure calmed him down" she smiled softly and I very gently stroked killuas hair, "... Its my job for now, to be here for him while he needs me. I'm all he has right now, and he needs me.." I whisper back at Canary, who quietly nodded, "... you sure know how to deal with him" she commented and I quiet. After a moment I speak, "After his last breakdown, I had to do this..." I respond carefully, not trying to accidentally out him to Canary.

".. you'd be a good couple, you know" she smiled softly, and I stopped petting Killua's head for a second. Maybe... well maybe that would make him happier for now. But... he might not want to deal with my feelings while he's like this, I'll tell him later that well...

I love him.