Bittersweet | GonKillu

Longing x and x pleading

We approached the recently opened Louis Vuttion store, Killua opened the door for me like a gentleman, and I flashed a grateful smile at him as I walked through the door. As I got inside, I was mesmerized by the interior of the store. Designer lines of purses were lined up along fogged white shelves and tables, each design unique and perfect as a snowflake. Of course Killua waltzed in like he owned the place, like this is his natural habitat.

"Want me to buy you a bag while we are here?" He offered, taking my hand in his with a smile. I blushed a little, "Killua- we are here for suits! That's all-" I chuckle with a smile of my own, and Killua shrugs. After a while of wandering around all the amazements and tempting purchases we found a pair of the perfect suits- my jaw almost dropped at the prices too. The suits were in the absolute most pristine condition, each seam symmetrical with the other side. Not even a speck of dust present.

The first one had a entire midnight black cover, with peacock-like iridescent logos and spades like freckles across its surface, a bleached white shirt with a perfect crip collar, and a close cross stitch iridescent bowtie complemented it. The other suit nearby was a more open chested suit with a astral black base and a delicate floral pattern engulfed beautifully surrounding the tuxedo in a mature sophisticated fashion. Then a simplistic approach with the twin white undershirt and a plain black bowtie blended the outfit together. Wow... I could barely imagine what Killua would look like in the floral one. He was always a slightly feminine boy, and floralness persisted in his fashion. A masculine approach to a graceful blend of fashion and expression is what he says it is.

No matter, he should be the one to wear such a masterpiece. I heard a quiet gasp from him as he also reveled in the beauty of the suits. After a few more moments, Killua grabbed the two suits on hangers and we quietly walked over to the line. There was already a line this early? He looked at me with a smile, "Busy already huh?" He chuckled. I smiled at him. He doesn't need to be buying these kinds of things... Just because his family is rich doesn't mean he should be using his allowance on me... I don't even care if he stops getting me stuff, that's not what I want from this relationship anyhow.

"Killua- this is the last thing you can ever buy me, ok?" I huffed, and he looked a bit disappointed, "Oh uh... ok.." he smiled softly while a look of skepticism was seen in his eyes. "I don't need anything more then you, and well the bare necessities of life-" I smile, trying to make him feel better by hugging his right arm and resting the side of my head on his shoulder. This bought a simple smile from Killua, who just gently chuckled. "I'm not going to just stop buying stuff for you all completely, you know. Gifts don't count right?" I rolled my eyes, "Oh come on Killua I said nothing-" "No no- I insist on being the Sugar daddy in this friendship" he said, placing his free hand on top of my head. I huffed and resided.

As we approached the counter finally, the man there took the suits and put them in a Louis Vuttion bag and Killua bought it with his Debit card. I carried them out, the bags slightly heavy. One arm I used to lift the bags, the other one holding Killua's hand. People sometimes ask us if we are dating because of how much affection some people take a glimpse of or hear about. Killua always defends us by saying that we were just comfortable enough around eachother to show basic affection. He tries to keep it to a minimal though, not liking people in the first place to see us hug or anything in the first place. Like he's embarrassed or scared.

It makes me guilty for trying to hold his hand, because if I do so and forget we are in public, he's too polite to reject my hand. But I know I'm making him uncomfortable so I feel bad. I quietly withdrew my hand, and sighed. We silently walked back home, and Alluka was chatting with Canary in the Bakery sitting down on the booth seats.

I wave at them, and they both approached me with a hug, "Happy birthday Gon-kun! Your older then bug brother!" "Happy birthday. I see your still short hm?" Alluka and Canary said, with Canary teasing me. I huff and hug them back, "I'm not that short-" I whine, and they both just chuckle. I look behind me and it seems Killua already made it upstairs. Huh.

Killua's POV:

I silently carried the bags upstairs, having taking them from Gon. I sit on the soft beanbag, and lay down letting the beans sculpt themselves into a mold under me. A heavy sigh excape my chest. I stare at the ceiling, It's Gon's birthday and I made him feel bad about holding my hand.

It's not the fact that I'm uncomfortable or awkward with it, it's more that in privacy it's just us and... out there it's everyone else. They might assume we are dating, and it hurts me everytime Gon says we aren't. I've been getting mixed signals for the last 2 weeks after the Incident... does he like me or not? He gives me plenty of affection that couples give, but denies it being weird or odd. And sometimes he kisses me too, but claims it's platonic. I bet that's what he thinks in his mind, that close friends act like that. I just dont want to be the one to ruin it all by bringing it to his attention. The truth is, I'm enjoying this sudden affection all the too much.

I find myself looking forward to the next time he even slightly touches me, even a simple slight of our hands teasing eachother slightly as we walk. I want to be in a relationship with him so bad... a actual relationship. He doesn't even know what he's doing to me.. making me feel all these feelings. Longing, hopeful, shy and wanting. Wanting more from his touch. Like I'm a plant begging for water. I need him. I need this. But he doesn't love me like that. And he most likely never will. This is as close to him as it will get. And that hurts me more then the thought of him with another person.

I want him to love me. Cherish me. Embrace my affection and all of my habits. I want to go further with him. Further then the hand holding. Further then the warm embraces. Further even then his lips on mine. I want all of him, and completely explore every part of him. To be fully one with him. I long for that, the emotional connection. To be with him enough that when I'm gone all he thinks about is me. Is that too greedy to ask? My longings of our relationship are all just fantasies.

He would never let us go that far.