Bittersweet | GonKillu

Redemption x and x rejection

"So, how is life?" I ask Killua with a smile, and he paused. After a moment he shrugged, ".... Eh. Nothing... nothing too bad happened" He said quietly. I shook my head and sighed, "Alright now I know somethings wrong-"

He just shrugged my worry off, "Doesn't matter. And plus I'm sure you have enough to bare- with being a hero of Paris and all that. So, mind your own business" He said dismissively, wow I don't know he could be so stubborn- is he like this to other people and just not my civilian self? I pout quietly and look away at the other side of the room, and draw my attention to the my mirror. Maybe I'll get him thinking of me, see if I can be sneaky and see if he has anything he would say behind my Back- I know I shouldn't, but I'm bored.

"Hey Killua, who's that boy?" I ask, pointing to the pictures of Killua and I. He looked over to where I was pointing and his expression shifted to one that was empty and numb, ".... Oh thats... my best friend. You know, the one who lives here.." He said quietly, a solem sound of monotone drifted through his words. Why did he get so.... weird? I'm going to keep pushing a bit more. "Your best friend? What's he like?" I inquire, fishing for information about his honest opinion; unfiltered. ".... He's... well... a ray of sunshine, his smile fills the room, his laughter melts my heart... and..." he smiled softly and looked at the carpet below our feet, ".... he's my only friend" I tilted my head with a lifted brow, "Only friend? You don't have any at school?" I say, confused. Killua told me personally that he was doing fine-

".... No, not real friends. They all..." He paused, then sighed, "...I'm not going to spill my whole life to you, Ladybug. I'm not in the mood. Someone I love just hurt me and it hurts." He said darkly, and I huffed, "No you'll tell me- I'm here to help" He rolled his eyes frustrated, "You know what- your a real pain in the ass sometimes" he growled, and I grit my teeth. Is this how he thinks about me? "Well your not all that nice either, mr. I cant get a boyfriend-" I reply, and he paused and froze. His whole mood just grew serious, but more upset then normal. His body language didnt show it of course, but as a expert in Killua I know.

"... You should leave. You overstayed your welcome, and Gon will come back soon" he said in a quiet spaced out voice, and I shook my head, "No I'm not just going to leave, Killua Zoldyck!" I say stubbornly, and he looked at my face with a flicker of concern but almost straight back to sternness, "How do you know my last name, huh? You stalk me at home too? Or at my school? Why do you even care? Nobody cares, not even Gon" I snapped, he thinks I dont care? Maybe he's the one who needs to leave- "Well maybe YOU should go back to your own damn house then mooch off of your so called best friend!" I exclaimed, and his stern demeanor shook for a second, and his eyes began to dot with tears. What-

"WELL MAYBE I WILL LEAVE- NOBODY WILL MISS ME ANYWAYS, AND IT SEEMS THAT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE DOESN'T EVEN LOVE ME BACK AND I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS- MY SISTER DIED, MY OTHER SISTER IS DYING, MY BROTHER HURTS ME, AND MY MOTHER BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF ME- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??" He began to scream at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his now pink cheeks. I froze, unable to process what I said or what he did. He's... crying again. And... Alluka's.... dying? What..?

"... Killua" I murmur out, but he clamped his jaw tight and shook his head violently, "NO I DON'T CARE- MY SITUATION OBVIOUSLY WILL NOT GET BETTER AND I CANT LIVE WITHOUT MY SISTERS-! IT.... It.... it's my f-fault anyways.." He broke down, his legs shaking and gave out from underneath him, landing him with a thud onto the floor, arms on the floor, body quaking. I hesitantly stepped foward, ".... Killu" my voice said softly, and he just sobbed as he shakes in his hands and knees, "I... c-cant do anything... I'm useless..." He croaked out, pure guilt lining his trembling vocals. I kneeled down on my knees and pulled him to me, forcing him into a hug.

"... Shhh... Killu... shhh..." I coo at him, not realizing I'm still my hero persona. He didnt seem to be in the right mindset to notice though, because he hugged me tightly and sobbed into my shoulder. I gently planted kisses on his shoulder, being as soft as I can. .... poor Killua. He's hurting so bad... and he doesn't feel good enough to tell me as his best friend.... maybe... I should stop being friends with him if I'm only hurting him.

".... Hey, Killua you good..?" I whisper quietly, rubbing his back. After a bit of sniffling, he pulled back and solemnly looked at me, "... You know... L-ladybug... I... m-might like you..." He said quietly, not much hope in his voice but... a little bit remained clinged on to, as hard as he could grab. I stayed quiet, no I'll only hurt him, ".... Sorry Killua. I dont love you" I said with a smile, dont know why I'm smiling but damn it feels wrong. The slight smile on his face twisted into a more fake one, a mask on his face really. He nodded, his heart sinking into the deeps of his chest. Broken again, for the last time.

"... You'll find someone, Killua. A nice boy." I tried to say to joke around and make him smile, but he only got up and headed for the door, "... It was nice seeing you, Ladybug. Sorry for being a burden. Leave whenever you want." He smiled emptying at me and exited the room with heavy feet, slowly descending out of view. .... This is for the best.

If I told him I love him, he'll only get more hurt. What's the worst a rejection can do? He'll be fine.